Hi i'm 28 and a long time lurker here and this is my first post here, I'm someone who has struggled with self confidence and women my whole life. I was never the most handsome person or the most social person. My teen years and young adult life was basically playing games all day avoiding to leave the house at all costs.

I grew up in a pretty broken family, my dad never did anything to raise us or make us a "family" lets say but he has his own mental issues and demons which no doubt have had a heavy toll on him and made him into the narcissist and self-centred person that he is.

I've pretty much been raised on my own with an older brother who bullied me my whole life and made me feel terrible about myself. Reading the redpill over the last 4 years has made me see life differently and it has got me through a lot of insecurities about myself and never giving up and even learning from failure to help myself to grow.

Despite all this at 23 I went to go study something I was extremely passionate about and last year nailed my dream job which I thought would never happen. I went to school everyday expecting to fail and not to succeed ever. I had a huge gap in my CV that was really not good on paper to look at and I always felt that would be detrimental for my career to get my foot in the door in the industry. I went for my first interview just 4 weeks out of training and I had my job. My life changed over night.

I had a female friend for the last 3 years who always had a boyfriend since I had known her and jumped into another relationship straight after the last one ended. She has been single for the last 6 or so months but we live in different countries and kept in touch from when I was in school and she worked close by where I studied.

I couldn't take it anymore and had to tell her how I felt. This is a no go on red pill I know that but it was something I just had to let out and to finally kill the frustration of bottling it up for so long. I messaged her with a few paragraphs and She was shocked to say the least and did not see it coming at all she told me she was convinced there was no attraction to her from my side despite all her friends telling her they knew but she wouldn't listen to them. I was not surprised by this either, we get a long really well, even too well I would say but there was never any real attraction from her side but I had to find out anyway just to be sure.

We talked about it a few days later on the phone after I had messaged her and there wasn't a single ounce of interest from her when we talked, it crushed me how she seen me as her beta orbiter and nothing else. I did not specifically ask how she felt about or hinted at it in anyway but damn I could feel it all how she had no attraction at all to me.

We talked on the phone again today to clear the air some more I'm not going to block her despite this probably being the best move I can make and cut contact with her. I would rather not go down that road. I've always hated gyms and find them extremely boring but this motivated me to get up off my ass and start the journey of getting into better shape. I'm not out of shape or anything, you wouldn't be able to tell I'm carrying some excess weight too easily but I can definitely improve, i'm quite a butch guy and i'm quite broad and have a great lower body naturally but carrying some excess weight in my face and stomach. I'm about 20 pounds over weight and 5ft 9 and a half so not the tallest of guys but still not too bad.

In the last 5 years I can can count on 2 hands how many times I have done exercise and somehow despite this you wouldn't think I do 0 exercise. Having been off work for the past few months due to corona as well has not helped matters but most of my days have been 10 hour gaming sessions and the only walking I do is going up and down the stairs pretty much.

After being crushed in the past few days and having got off the phone with her today and clearing some stuff up I did some exercise straight after without even having to think twice about it despite the last 6 months of playing games any chance I got. No more will I accept being out of shape and in my life as my profession does require being physically and mentally fit as it is quite a demanding and tiring job.

Getting into shape has been in the back of my mind for a long time, not exactly lifting weights and building muscle but it's important for me to slim down and cut the excess fat. I'm probably a 4/10 but every time I see guys with a clear jaw line and no fat hanging from their face it was the look I have always wanted and i'm going to do everything not just to get there but to maintain that for the future and to keep bettering myself.

I was very physically active in sports and stuff when I was in my teens and into all sorts of activities somewhere down the road my confidence broke and I became very introverted since then. I did have a life changing injury in my late teens which stopped me from pursuing my dream job for many years and I lost all confidence in myself which was left if there was any. I manged to come back from it when it seemed like I would never even be able to drive a car for the rest of my life or even walk normally or take a run.

It's crazy how my perspective has changed almost instantly all because one girl didn't reciprocate the attraction, this was exactly the motivation I needed to become the man I know I am capable of.

I don't know where I would be if I had of never stumbled upon the redpill, I think I found it from some comments on /relationships and my mind has since been blown. I had the knowledge of what to do and it did help me with my professional life and studies I have no doubt that it was a factor in succeeding in that part of my life. Now it's time to do something about the other part of my life and be a bit more successful with women. I know a woman doesn't make the man but having some sort of success with women in life is a high priority for every man.

Thank you for reading this as writing this out has sort of been therapy for myself and to kick me into gear and make more positive changes to my life. I'm just focused on improving myself and staying on the road to self improvement and not veering off of it. You have all been wonderful to me reading your posts and experiences of success and failure over the last few years.

Thank you Redpill.