Kissless virgin here, how do I stop that from keeping me down?

2013-12-02T04:22:18+00:00

I had my first kiss at 16 and my first bang at 18, I suppose I was lucky. My theory (if you are interested) is that in our innocent state we are naturals, then we gradually get poisoned and turn blue. In my case I think I did pretty well when I was young then declined sharply as I took in relationship advice. I've always found that I have the most success when I'm not counting so hard on a certain result.

It is that zen sort of thing, being enamored with the result causes one to lose focus on the process. The truth is that there is no such thing as a male virginity, much as there isn't such a thing as a male slut. We have no flowers to break, we don't get loose from wear, fucking does not impair our abilty to pair-bond with future mates. Your notch count just doesn't friggin matter, it is best to put it out of your head. Our experience (or lack therof) does not affect our status in any way (aside from bragging rights of course).

If it is performance anxiety that is holding you back then the best tip you can have is to follow your instincts, your dark, dirty animal passions. Free the beast, think with your inner lizard brain, and your kisses and bangings will be satisfactory. Indeed, when you treat it like some performance that you are putting on for the ladies pleasure she tends to enjoy it less. So you take the lead and use her for your pleasure, her feelings don't matter much. In that sense it wont matter what your experience level is, this isn't some performance art or sophistaced technique to be mastered, its putting a girl to use for your own jollies, trust me she likes it better that way.

Archwinger · 2013-12-02T03:33:07+00:00

As a kissing, married, sexing guy, take heart from me. You are not missing out. Sex and kissing and having some woman next to you is nice for some things, sometimes, but has its drawbacks, too. Being a kiss - less virgin isn't any worse than never having tried sushi. It's just another thing out there you haven't done yet.

Society makes such a huge deal out of sex and relationships, like they're the entire point of existence. They just plain aren't that important. You will get women eventually, once some of your other ducks are in a row. If you cared about sex just about as much as you would care about sushi, you wouldn't have confidence issues about it.

masterrod · 2013-12-02T01:42:09+00:00

Slowly working on your game? How do you work on your game in the gym?

The easiest way to kiss a girl is to simply be friends with women, and when you hang out don't pay for her like a date.

Don't worry about game just go places and just meet women. And just talk them. Ask them a question about something you're interested in. Talk to women below your standards and above your standards. Talk about the weather. Literally talk anything. Even try a dog. You will get some rejection, but this will get you to point where you can talk about game.

Sooner or later you will find a friend. And you'll be able to kiss.

Don't masturbate either. Stop if you do.

Zackcid · 2013-12-02T06:49:23+00:00

So most people here on TRP seem to be pretty confident

Most of the vocal ones are anyway. Majority of users are probably not. Being able to post comments and self-posts actually requires that you reach a certain threshold of confidence. I know because I've gone through it.

I've been in the same boat as you. I was 'expected' to be confident and shit, but I never had anything to back it up really. How could I be a "player" if I never even kissed a girl? Well, baby steps. Your problem is that you're aiming too high. Quit comparing yourself to the more advanced users in TRP; you have to realize that each and everyone of us was at your position some time ago and we naturally grew through going out and getting experience.

Take baby steps, seriously. If you have trouble maintaining eye-contact with a hot girl, WORK ON THAT until you master it. Afterwards, your mind will naturally be more comfortable in that area and will seek out bigger challenges like kino or maintaining conversation.

For me, I have to say that getting that abundance of success really blasted me to a crazy level. The moment I start getting 2-3 girls showing signs of liking me, touching me, initiating shit, my mind immediately started thinking differently. My mind is no longer living in scarcity and it starts getting confident. It starts caring less about saying risky stuff because it knows that I have a few other girls on the side that still like me. From this point on, you only go upwards in your success. Trust.

Edit: Also, you can brainwash and convince your brain of the craziest, most positive things, just like depression can brainwash you to believe the nastiest shit about you. Take this feature of the human brain to your advantage! Only think of how good-looking you are, how awesome you are, etc. After a while, you'll actually believe it and the confidence will ooze out.

trudatness · 2013-12-02T04:56:25+00:00

If you are over 25 I suggest paying professional.

pcadrian · 2013-12-02T03:39:05+00:00

Read Corey Wayne's book on understandingrelationships.com - I find it to be a very good resource that focuses more on inner game rather than pickup stuff.

How old are you? I didn't have my first kiss/bang/gf until I was 21.

PrisonerOfLife · 2013-12-02T04:30:52+00:00

I'm 24 and I'm in the same situation. Graduating college in 2 weeks with a high paying job lined up, but absolutely no play at any point in my life. My physique is showing good development from lifting over the past year but my confidence has been crushed by previous rejections (LOTS of them). Game alone never worked for me and I seem to be searching for any crutch I can find to make meeting women easier.

MrFritzH · 2013-12-02T05:50:28+00:00

"my mind still is rightfully telling me I'm still a kissless virgin which gets rid of any confidence I have."

Is there any arena close by where drunk girls congregate ?

Go there, and try to kiss every (seemingly) single girl within 30 seconds. Its easy to kiss drunk girls. So there your "kiss"-virginity (which is nonsense) issue will be solved.

2013-12-02T06:59:18+00:00

I got my first kiss at age 21. Don't let that stop you from being confident. Sex happened with 21 for the first time too. It doesn't matter though. None of the girls knew they were my first and none of them found out. Just act, and you'll be fine.

2013-12-02T23:38:01+00:00

It will click. And you'll realise its no big deal. I was like you.

It used to cause me great anxiety. I slowly worked on myself, eventually I dated a hot girl and kissed her. Next time I went clubbing I made out with 2 random girls, nowadays its no big deal at all.

You aren't starting from a bad position. As you work on yourself slowly you will see the world and women for what they are. If you were naturally ok, then you wouldn't push yourself as hard. You'd follow the usual easy lifestyle and the world would be boring. The way I view things now is along the lines of being capable of achieving anything if I put my mind to it.

VladimirDavila · 2013-12-02T06:01:28+00:00

I was a never-been-kissed virgin at 23. 5 years later, my number is a dozen, I've had multiple girls fall in love with me, engaged girls cheat with me...

This shit works. If you need more confidence, find something that you think you can be expert at and get to work.

LouisWinthorpIII · 2013-12-02T02:38:30+00:00

Go to r/seduction.

Title	Kissless virgin here, how do I stop that from keeping me down?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	34
Date	December 2, 2013 1:28 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1rvlmb/kissless_virgin_here_how_do_i_stop_that_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/kissless-virgin-here-how-do-i-stop-that-from.8416 https://theredarchive.com/post/8416

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