Summary: When I figured out how to truly not give a fuck and just let loose and have fun; everyone else follows suit. (Long read for context)

One of my sticking points in this self improvement journey of mine has been allowing myself to not take anything too seriously. To be able to truly not give a fuck about outcome in any situation (sexual or otherwize), and go do the things that I want to do for my own benefit/interest/entertainment. Being in a smaller town makes this mentality a bit tough to experiment with. This weekend it finally clicked.

I went out with a female friend of mine (overweight not attractive, so solid personality, has kids my own son’s age for him to hang out with...and she’s loaded.). We were hanging out at a small town bar with one of her friends and just drinking a bit and enjoying some live music. When servers would come by and ask if we wanted more drinks, I would test them a bit to see if they would be complient to the things I told them to do. Flirting really, not for anything other than getting me out of the work mentality. Again, working towards not giving a shit about outcome or external validation. After a bit, I leave them to take a leak. I get to the urinal, amd two girls walk into the men’s bathroom. At first I was pissed. If I brazenly walk into the chick’s room, id be damn near arrested. So I called the first one out. “What the fuck are you doing?” She said her husband was throwing up one of the stalls and she was checking on him. After she said that, I hear a “yeah dude, it’s cool” comming out from behind the walll. It was kinda funny so I just let her be and moved on to her friend. Big tits, hb 7-8 blonde. I asked her why she was there. ”muh friend” or some shit was the response.
In my mind, she had no reson to be there, so I told her “make yourself usefull and hold my dick while I piss.”
Now this sentance came out of my mouth, and for an instant I felt that fear come over me. There were other dudes in there (and I live in white-knight central) and her friend was still next to her. But once I said that, I had no other option than to just go with it and see how it played out. At best, she would comply. At worst, Id be taking a few punches.
What happened is she walked closer to me saying “no!” And the men all around stayed silent. She was within arms reach so I pulled her next to me and she immidately grabbed my dick. (This all happened within the span of a piss). After that, it was game on. Making out with her, pulled her into an open stall and shoved her head down. Her friend looks over the stall and watches. Then takes out her phone and starts recording. I just look up and ask if she wants to join. She just said no But continued to watch. After about 5 minutes, somebody told the bouncer what was going on, and sure as shit he comes in and starts yelling to break it up and for the chicks to get the fuck out of there.
This was a big dude, and I thought for sure I was going to get kicked out. I walk out of the stall after her, and after the girls leave, he looks at me and just smiles. Did not expect that. As I walk out, there are dudes around giving me the stink eye, and dudes basically congratulating me. Either way, it didn’t matter. I wanted to fuck this girl. It was fucking hot! So I see these girls again, and I ask blowjob girl if she drove there. She did not, but her friend just looked at us and gave blowjob girl the keys to her minivan. So we fucked in her friend’s van. After I came back inside, the two girls I was hanging out with were immediately giggling and laughing. Apperently word spread pretty quick. But I just accepted it and continued to just enjoy the drinks and the music. As I looked around, there were a shitload of other girls giving me crazy IOI’s. I was good and spent so I did not go after it. But it was interesting to note. Conclusion: even in a small town bar, IDGAF mentality and just being a fun dude to be around absolutely releases you from public shaming. It was like the general attitude towards me was, “ehh he's just having fun, no harm in that!” There were a few men that got pissed and you could tell the white knight mentality was screaming away in their heads. But due to public opinion, they didn’t stick to their guns. One guy actually told me that I can’t treat women like that and was obviously pissed. I just said “ok” and continued making out with that girl. The next night, she braved a fucking blizzard to drive over to my place.