Losing to a Beta Orbiter?

2014-04-25T16:13:23+00:00

In a LTR you NEED to communicate and talk. Not everything is "bullshit drama" sometimes women, just like men, need to vent. If you're not going to listen to this, even if it's just kinda tuning out and saying "oh!" or "uh huh" every so often women are going to feel emotionally distant. Sure the sex may be great but women need to feel comfortable and respected to a degree. It's not putting them on a pedestal it's the Captain, First Mate model. Sure you're the captain but you need to treat her like the first mate. If she has concerns LISTEN to them. You don't need to act on them but listen and discuss. There is nothing wrong with talking about someones concerns. Sometimes their advice will be good, sometimes not. But don't be ashamed to admit when they're right. It will lead to resentment on her part and ultimately failure of any LTR.

Archwinger · 2014-04-25T14:22:55+00:00

This is the sort of thing that happens when nobody cares about the details and nuances and the subtle content any more, and everybody just condenses The Red Pill into a simple list of bullet points and checklists, like following some kind of checklist is going to make women and life easy.

Being an emotionless asshole isn't actually attractive to women. It's just more attractive than being a supplicating nice guy. What really makes the distant asshole attractive is the fact that his behavior isn't suspicious. It's confident. He's clearly treating the woman like he would anybody else, rather than like she's special. That puts her guard down (rather than up, like when she meets a nice guy who's clearly being nice to trick her into sex) and also makes her want to win him over a little bit. Confidence and treating a woman like she's anybody else -- not special -- is great for generating initial attraction and having sex with a woman.

But when you're in a relationship, women get uncomfortable if you're all-alpha, all-the-time. First off, if you're not actually awesome, and you're just being an asshole douchebag to generate that illusion, she'll notice after awhile. But more importantly, if she doesn't feel like she's making any progress with you, and you're not generating comfort in addition to attraction, she'll start to worry about whether she can hold on to you. She'll project that back at you and say that the relationship isn't working. In a relationship, comfort is as important as attraction. You've got to validate your woman -- just do it appropriately.

Hell, there's even a whole section of pick-up-artistry dedicated to comfort building. It's not all about attraction. Women have to be comfortable with you, and that means giving her some emotion, attention, and validation, when and as appropriate.

Being all-alpha-manly-distant-asshole all the time is fine for spinning plates and picking up girls at clubs and bars for one night stands (even then, you have to drop in some comfort-building behaviors to maintain plates, or you end up having to replace them more often), but a relationship takes more artistry. You can't just plow through a relationship on easy-mode following The Red Pill bullet points of being an asshole, shutting down anything she says you don't like, and never engaging her emotional center.

2014-04-25T16:38:42+00:00

Enter the Beta.... I have no idea who this guy is, or how they met.

So how do you know he is a beta?

Apparently from what she told me, is that they "connected" on a non-physical level, and that she could openly communicate to him.

That's not convincing enough

She had known him for a long time, and considered him just a friend. She just recently developed feelings for him after "long talks on the phone".

I'm willing to bet those talks were about you and her "frustrations". I'm also willing to bet that he smelled blood in the water.

So basically, I feel as though this guy was a beta orbiter.

Or someone who knew your girl (remember friend/acquaintance =/= beta orbiter). Besides, if he were an orbiter, you would have known about him by now.

She dumped me, and it all happened very fast.

That's how fast they lose attraction to you once they meet a new guy. You've been officially relegated to orbiter status in her mind.

She might come crawling back to you later, promising that she's changed and that she didn't notice all the amazing things you had to offer. Just remember that if you take her back she'll fall back into her old habits, anyway

Where did I go wrong with this?

Well for one, choosing a girl addicted to "bullshit drama".

Also: "She started to get frustrated, and claim there "wasn't enough communication, and that "I didn't understand her feelings" She most likely felt this way, because I would not engage in her drama"

This is the biggest warning sign that she is close to ending a relationship. It's funny how the same words and phrasings describing relationships are used by practically every woman.

You were being too aloof. This is where the beta qualities have to be brought in. There's nothing wrong with thoughtful gestures if she has been reciprocating all along, but in your case her personality might have been off-putting. You have to decide whether her drama is worth staying in a LTR.

2014-04-25T03:52:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Varrian · 2014-04-25T07:20:44+00:00

Your mistake was taking her back. You should of treated her as a lesser plate and made her work for getting the GF title. People value what they work for more than things they're do things they got for free.

This is why Aloof Mastery is highly effective: you withhold all the regular adoration she gets from her orbiters and make her earn every ounce of attention. Reward her for things that you like and ignore her when she pisses you off. Our generation has been told that women are the prize and men are just common playthings but now we can switch those roles and use it to our advantage.

Devote no more time to her(she brings nothing but negativity to your life) and move on. Keep spinning.

jacobman · 2014-04-25T06:58:23+00:00

You've heard of last minute resistance? This is that but blown up much bigger. She initially agreed to go on a date with you because she is attracted to you. She cancelled because she's trying to stick to her guns of not getting involved without commitment, the same reason you get LMR. I'm not saying you can win her over, but hopefully that explains what is going on. Some girls just won't agree to a relationship without the possibility of commitment. You either have to accept that or be interested in the possibility of commitment in the future if you end up thinking that she's the right type of girl and dangle this like a carrot while you're deciding in order to keep her motivated.

ManofManic · 2014-04-25T05:04:45+00:00

My thoughts:

This beta orbiter isn't the one who stole the sex. He's simply masquerading as the new flame, but he's getting used too.

Hypergamy would indicate she is seeing and sucking a new Alpha cock. I know this sucks to hear but it would be against TRP to not say it.

In response to your reconnection questions, you taking her back wasn't the issue. The only shit test you failed was agreeing to see her again on the weekend. She baited you and got the bite she was looking for.

Cut all contact & move on.

Bible_Black · 2014-04-25T07:10:40+00:00

If I were to guess, I would say that she is trying to acquiesce feelings of inadequacy she has over the relationship by provoking a display of investment from you.

She wouldn't want to move state for another job unless she was certain that what she was leaving behind was an inferior prospect. So her gambit is to provoke a jealous reaction from you, which lowers your value giving her greater control. (Perhaps so that she could suggest that you move with her, whilst you were making back up... but that wouldn't do you any favours regardless.)

You took the only reasonable course. C'est la vie, cya in another life. Give her six months... a year and you'll probably notice her snooping around on you again trying to get a handle on whether she truly made a mistake or not. The important thing is that you never look back. You give them the comfort of knowing they have their hooks into you and that's when you get the piss really taken out of you.

dray121212 · 2014-04-25T04:10:08+00:00

She is crazy...You have chose a different type of girl. Or have sick game and be able to periodically inject drama into the relationship while still maintaining frame.

Title	Losing to a Beta Orbiter?
Author	The_BitterTruth
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	April 25, 2014 3:45 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/23x9fo/losing_to_a_beta_orbiter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/losing-to-a-beta-orbiter.14575 https://theredarchive.com/post/14575

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