So I'm at the beach with my ex right? We were having some problems. I wanted to bang bitches and she wanted to take dick - we could of been in an open relationship but I was too insecure for that shit.

Anyways, we were having a pretty good time. She had a bottle of klonopin so any ill feelings I felt towards her or life I'd just reach in her purse and pop a couple .5's. She was cool except for the part where she's easier than gta with cheat codes.

I come out of the water and she's chillin on her beach towel on her phone. She's wearing this black bikini with her 34 C's and an ass like a moon-bounce that's been inflated just right. You could see that ass from a mile away so what happened next isn't too surprising. A couple of chads walk over to her and start chatting her up. They were all beefcakes with their gay ass volleyball in their hands. She's flirting with them and I walk up. They're all "oh my bad is this your boyfriend?"

She says no. Then they start getting aggressive. Which is my favorite because I don't give a fuck who you are, no one intimidates me unless you got a pistol in your wasteband. They start going "oh ok bro, hope you don't mind me stealing your little friend over here". I get up in their face real close, inches away. I just ate tuna that morning too so I knew my breath was a lil stinky. I told them..."yeah...actually I do have a problem with that"

Chad 2 goes "what the fuck did you just say??"

I said "you heard me...I got a problem with both of you right now. how about you take your little faggy volleyball and get back to sucking each others dicks"

They're staring at me in awe. Why? Cause I'm 5'11" 160 pounds and a 17.2 bmi. They're easily 6'4" and 250+ and could knock me out easy. They start looking at each other being like...not knowing what to say.

I knock the volley ball out of their hands. take that shit and punt it as far as I could into the water. Chad 2 tries to swing at me but chad 1 grabs him and starts screaming at him about his parole or some shit. I have the biggest shit grin on my face because the local PD was doing its rounds. They see us and one starts walking up asking us what's going on.

I say "oh nothing officer...these two guys were disturbing my girlfriend and I but we resolved it"

Officer looks at the two chad's and I wide-eyed. He stares at the chads while they walk away. The dude kept looking back at me and all I did was stare right back. Gave absolutely no fucks.

The officer talks to us for about a minute or two and walks away back to his cop car.

My ex was like...holy shit are you fucking crazy what is the matter with you? I reach in her purse and take some more .5's. I say...you like that?

She gave me road head the entire way home.

Moral of the story: maintain frame