I've recently been watching Catfish on MTV, which is a TV show about young men who look at pictures of hot girls while texting with fat girls who live in another city.

When the hosts ask these young men why they've invested so much time and energy in a girl who they've never met in person, they all give the same answer: "we had a real connection."

I've read many posts here, even by those seasoned in the Red Pill, who say the same thing about their past with girls: "I thought we had a deep connection, but she was just taking advantage of my niceness/she bailed on me when I lost frame."

The "connection" never existed. Not for the catfish and not for you. Here's the truth: you just thought she was hot.

This lie harms twice. First, you are still letting society decide how you can think. It has become commonplace that a woman cannot be admired solely for her looks. While men can still be discussed in this way we are told that women must be admired holistically. Because of this socialization, when you see a woman you admire for her beauty, you get a feeling in the pit of your stomach that this isn't enough. Your attraction has to run deeper than that. Since it is unacceptable to like her only for her looks, you invent a deep connection to justify acting on your desire.

This belief system has consequences. Oneitis. Pedastalization. These phenomena are bolstered by your belief in "the connection." That same ethereal bond your mind constructed to allow you pursue her has become so precious that you will now abandon your value to preserve it. And now that you don't show your worth, she sees you as weak, worthless, unexciting. You allow her to become fat and mean without saying a word (you love her for her soul, after all). Left with a man who let her become fat and mean, she hates you for not saving her from herself. At the extreme, you will fill her need for emotional connection even though you have never once met in person. And if you do this, she will hate you enough to lie to you all day, everyday.

Second, you are afraid of other men. You are letting this fear control you. The danger of committing to a beautiful woman is that everyone else still knows she is beautiful and still wants her. You see her as a mansion full of gold where you can never lock all the doors. In Saudi Arabia, men resolve these fears with religion, burqas and other means of violent oppression. In the West, we resolve them with "connections." We tell ourselves that couples aren't together in order to enjoy the other's body or ideas. Instead, they share "a connection." So, even though she works with that bearded, tatoo'ed biker dude and even though she casually mentioned how hot he was three times last week, they don't have your "connection." Without this magic he can't steal her from you. You've chosen to believe in this to avoid feelings of inadequacy and the hard work of self-improvement it will take to overcome them. But you are denying yourself the intense pleasure of a relationship where both parties understand that attraction and love is never set in stone, but is earned every day.

Sometimes, the Red Pill is about how you are being lied to by society and sometimes it is about how you lie to yourself, but usually it is both. You don't love her for her heart and soul. You like how she looks and what she says. She feels the same about you. As soon as either of you look and talk different, the love is gone.

The catfish gave you pictures of the wrong girl, but you gave yourself the wrong mindset.

Edit for a typo.