I've been recently going back through my memories of things I used to do as a kind of self reflection and thought this one would fit here, especially on a bar night.

I was out at a bar with some friends and my girlfriend at the time. We were having a good time and some guys were coming up and hitting on my girlfriend.

Friends "Dude those guys are hitting on your woman. Aren't you going to do anything?"

Me -loud enough that it could be easily heard "Nope, they can buy her drinks all night if they want. Saves me money, they get her turned on for me, because I know who she is coming home with at the end of the night."

Friends look at me rather stunned, and I get dirty looks from the "men" buying my gf the drinks, and I get a sly smile from the gf. I'm sure you can guess what happened though. She continued to get drinks bought for her and I took her home and had some of the best sex of our relationship.

edit:typos