It is normal to try to "win" others over. It's human to want to fit in. It's taught to us at an early age that we need approval before we can do something - a lesson that sticks with us through the years. Somewhere along the line many of us mistake others approval of us as a prerequisite as being able to approve of ourselves. And depending who you ask, this approval seeking behavior is one of the most common, and powerful regrets in terminally ill patients.

I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.

Let that sink in for a little bit.

Well how is that going to help me get laid Bitter?

The answer is multi faceted.

Approval Seeking Behavior:

  • Makes you less attractive.
  • Hurts your self confidence, self esteem, and your frame.
  • Is a bi-product of insecurity

Non Approval Seeking Behavior is pretty much the opposite of that list, and I will explain why shortly.

To start let's define approval seeking behavior simply as, "trying to win someone over." (but if you need some concrete examples look no further than here.) When you try to win someone over, you're not genuine. You compromise your beliefs, your values, and yourself because somewhere you have decided that the real you is not good enough. Although people may not call you out on this to your face, people notice it, and it puts them off. They see it for what it is and label approval seekers as insecure and weak.

A key factor is that when you try to win someones approval, you acknowledge that they rank higher than you on the social ladder. To women this is a death sentence because they know they're above you when you try to win their approval. It also kills any fun they might have had during the courting stage (she wants to win you over!). Basically when you're searching for her approval you act like a needy beta and dry her pussy up faster than a stripper can pick up a dollar off the floor.

Maybe most importantly is the effect approval seeking behavior has on yourself.

Approval is like a killer drug. It becomes addictive and you quickly develop a need for more. When you have a need for approval you value the beliefs, opinions and needs of others above your own. Their opinion of your is far more important to you than your own view of yourself. Receiving disapproval becomes a painful experience. Your entire decision making processes are eventually taken over by your need for the approval of others. You cannot take any decisive action without their approval. You sacrifice your own dreams and ambitions in order to have their approval.

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Okay Bitter you've beat the dead horse enough on why it's bad and what it is, but how do I stop doing it?

Now I can only tell you how I try to manage my own Approval seeking behavior. You must understand that you know yourself better than anyone else, and it's going to take some introspection, dedication, and trial and error if you really want to make this work (or anything for that matter).

For me it's easiest to change my mindset rather than focus on individual behaviors. Individual approval seeking behaviors are a bi-product of an, "I am inferior" mindset.

For me personally I felt that I had to be the biggest and best Chad around for others to accept me, so that's what I did, but it was exhausting. These are the changes I made to my mindset to curb my own attention seeking behavior:

  • I don't need other peoples approval for my actions, I don't need to win her over.
  • Other people are not qualified to approve or disapprove of my actions.
  • I am acceptable, I am enough.
  • Their approval or disapproval doesn't make me any better/worse of a person.
  • Only I am qualified to approve/disapprove of my own actions. I am the judge of my life, not anyone else.

Hopefully these ideas can help you too, I can explain what they mean to me, but they are somewhat personalized so they might not relate to everyone if I get into too much detail. If any of these mindset changes do resonate with you, I suggest you personalize it in a way that it's extremely relatable. Another key thing I remind myself before interacting with others is I tell myself before I initiate a conversation,

"I don't need to win her/himwhoever over."

This alone helps me act more genuine/confident/etc...

You'll find that when you're not trying to gain someone's approval, you're already coming from a better place (outcome independence, abundance mentality, and a strong frame). Chad doesn't give a fuck what people think of him. People try to earn Chads approval, not the other way around.

That was a lot to read, and if you made it this far congratulations. To sum up briefly:

Attention seeking behavior affects you, and others' perception of you negatively. It also makes you look needy, unconfident, and insecure. Try to change your mindset from, "I need to impress" to "I am fine the way I am" and don't worry about winning people over. Ultimately you know yourself better than anyone, you know if you're searching for approval and what to stop more than anyone on the internet could.

As a last note what I am talking about is different than trying to present yourself in a respectable/favorable manner. I'm not saying you shouldn't represent yourself in way that best suits your image.