Sex is like editing together a documentary film. Everything is based in reality, but it’s up to you to put together the story. Initial attraction may be there, but if you don’t string things together the right way, you’re not getting laid.

Both sexes have their role in building this narrative. It’s too easy to reduce the female’s role to that of a movie goer or theater attendee; “just start the damn show and hope I don’t walk out.” Although there is truth to that dynamic, the woman has her part in showing up fit for the performance.

If she’s had the bad luck of being out with a beta-doofus, only minimal effort is required. The slightest exertion of feminine prowess will allow her total control of the situation. These aesthetic stakes will rise along-side the value of the man interested. By the time she shows up to the date, he’ll already know if he wants to fuck her or not- from there, as long as she doesn’t commit an egregious, narrative disrupting crime of anti-sexuality, her job is mostly done- any further action on her part is for sport.

As a man falls under the aesthetic spell of a woman, he’ll construct the rest of the narrative on his own with very little input from her. Did she try to make a joke? It’s hysterical! Did she make a rather obvious observation? She’s so smart! Is there any kind of minor nuance to her behavior that can be focused on and doted over? She’s adorable!

His misguided interpretation of her qualities will remain until his attraction for her has been extinguished, which may be accompanied by feelings of sadness, guilt, shame, or even disgust, depending on the particulars of the situation.

Since anything beyond her aesthetic may be his narrative imposing on reality, there isn’t a lingering question of authenticity. Ironically, the authenticity of her beauty is actually debatable- women have an entire arsenal of weapons to deceive the gullible- however, most men are only looking for surface level approval.

Conversely, authenticity is a central question for her- an on-going issue to which her attraction to him is contingent upon.

She will also see what she wants and lie to herself, but rather than constructing a false narrative based on his aesthetic, she magnifies the fragments of his personality that she finds attractive and comes to the conclusion that he “must always be like that.”

This is as much a naïve fantasy as his personifying her beauty into the idealized girlfriend. While he’s putting his best foot forward on their date in an attempt to have a sex worthy alpha male performance, she’s going along for the ride believing that he’s being himself and this decisive, assertive, cool and confident guy is just who he is.

Only it isn’t so easy- women are savvier in this department than men. She’ll subconsciously match his behavior to what he looks like while trying to determine if he should be entitled to acting so decisive, assertive, cool and confident. And if this scan turns up negative, she’ll think he’s faking his swagger and aggressively (shit) test the depth of his authenticity.

If he’s able to hold this frame together for long enough, he’ll get laid.

[EXCERPT FROM: "The Narrative of Heartbreak and “Big” (1988)"]

Lesson: Everything is narrative- everything is a story we construct and tell ourselves- and this starts from the first interaction, each and every date, the entire relationship, through to the break-up. It's all just story- for you to enjoy, for you to agonize over- but always make sure it frame it in proper terms; just a story we made up to tell ourselves. Only Death is Real.

K I LL T O P AR TY