What is it like to be a beta?

icanteventhecat · 2014-05-27T07:09:44+00:00

You get constant verbal validation (you're smart, funny, handsome, nice, caring, etc.) but zero non-verbal validation (e.g., people going out of their way to help you, random acts of kindness, sex, etc.). This causes massive cognitive dissonance: "If I'm so great, why do women not want me? I'm all the things they say they want, but they don't want me." Sound familiar? No, I don't have rage or superiority issues, but I wasn't able to resolve that discrepancy until recently.

You feel like there's secrets you were never told that no one can express. "Dude it's easy to pick up chicks, just watch me!" "All you need is confidence! Girls love confidence!" You want to punch the next idiot who says that. You want so desperately to be a bad boy, but you just can't pull it off. You look like a fool, and everyone can smell your insincerity a mile away.

You hate your feelings. You wish you didn't have them. Every time you open up to men or women, even when explicitly encouraged, you are utterly dismissed. You confess love, they confess friendship. You get upset, they get upset at you. No one is sympathetic. You learn to be passive and to avoid conflict because you always seem to lose. You blame yourself for everything. You don't dare say a word about it. You're either distant or whiny.

You feel that being a nice guy (i.e., a doormat) is actually who you are and try to embrace it despite repeated disastrous results. Oneitis, orbiting. You actually internalize your inferiority to alpha men and all women. For me, being 5'5'' does not help at all. Even now with all I've learned, bigger men constantly denigrate me in front of women.

It's truly awful. I never told anyone this in real life because I figured they would just mock me, but I thought long and hard about killing myself many times in my life as recently as one year ago. No need to raise alarms, I never got past the "thinking about thinking about it" stage. No need to raise alarms, I never got past the "thinking about thinking about it" stage. Overall, things are moving in a positive trend. What was the point of living if you are doomed to loneliness and mediocrity?

In short, you are invisible until someone wants something from you.

RPthrowaway123 · 2014-05-27T06:12:55+00:00

I used to be pretty bad. I had awful oneitis that plagued me for longer than I care to admit. I was weak and listless. I wanted to hurt myself because I felt so pathetic and hopeless. "Why can't I just get a chance? Why doesn't anyone love me?" And the advice you always get is so slanted and doesn't help. I was really in an awful place.

I moved on a bit and got a gf. Made a post to /r/relationships asking how to improve our sex life because she was "a starfish". I was immediately assaulted by white knights calling me out for using "derogatory" language towards a woman and was basically run out of town on a rail. As after that post, a guy PMed me and directed me here. I'm on the road to getting better now, but I've still got a long ways to go.

Scymnus · 2014-05-27T06:20:31+00:00

Been a couple years since my beta days, but I'll give it a shot.

The simple fact that you don't know any better actually makes it OK for the most part. You go out of your way to please people, and their single act of being grateful makes you feel good even though they would never do the same thing for you. When you take care of other people's problems, pay for their beers and can always be counted on for emotional support, you feel like this kind of superhero that can fix everything. You've still got hope that you will find "true love", which is always nice when you're feeling down.

The only thing that didn't sit right with me when I was a beta was that I didn't land any girls while all the typical douchebags did. I think this is the single source of their unhappiness and why a lot of them push to the other side instead of staying beta. Seeing all these girls go after the wrong guys and ending up crying on your shoulder gives you an intense feeling of helplessness, because why couldn't they just be with you instead? You're a great guy, and even though you might not be ripped you know that you're better for these girls in every other aspect. It just doesn't make sense, and over time can make you severely depressed and miserable.

I hope that clears up your question, if you got anything more specific I could probably answer that too. I was a hardcore beta for way too long.

WTF7777777 · 2014-05-27T07:03:11+00:00

They say 80 percent of the women are having sex with 20 percent of the men presumably the alphas. Certainly those 20 percent of males are never going to get married if they're getting the milk for free. The rest of the men, the betas are likely to fall into the marriage trap, sperms donors who support lazy women for the next 10 years until they end up in divorce court paying alimony and child support. Don't get married. See /r/killmarriage

Title	What is it like to be a beta?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	12
Date	May 27, 2014 6:00 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/26l2ho/what_is_it_like_to_be_a_beta/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/what-is-it-like-to-be-a-beta.15939 https://theredarchive.com/post/15939

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