What makes for a stable marriage

sh1v · 2014-10-12T13:26:53+00:00

Married RPer. I'll chime in here and say you have to be a fucking oak tree to sustain a good healthy marriage.

A woman will have all these raging emotions, tantrums, being down in the dumps, depressed because life is just so hard... your job is not to sympathize or empathize or help her explore her feelings or any of that shit. You just remain calm, soothe and assure her like you would a startled horse. She needs to feel like you're in control and unphased at all times.

That's the man's job, and if she sees you aren't doing that job, she'll try to step into it herself, and control and micromanage everything, and stress herself out, and at that point you are in for a bad time. Women have this huge insecurity about pretty much everything. It takes a man who can calmly take charge to make them feel secure. Once they feel truly secure, compliance and submission come much easier.

It's allllll about managing her emotions. Maintain your center, let her be the frail emotional one.

curious97 · 2014-10-12T02:11:32+00:00

I'm curious how you'd invite 200 people to a wedding and not spend over $5K on it.

My parents did that. They rented out a tavern for their reception and payed for a relatively cheap band. Other than that the church was very cheap and they payed for nothing else. They invited pretty much everyone on both sides of the family that could make it, as well as coworkers/friends/etc.

I was the only one out of all my friends in high school whose parents were (and still are) still together.

I'm also curious if the high number of wedding guests would provide some kind of social pressure to not divorce.

Absolutely. My local priest told me that a Christian wedding is "upheld" not by the priest but by the community, which bears witness to the couple's commitment.

Jessie_James · 2014-10-13T17:28:12+00:00

Married RPer here. My take:

The part about the less you spend on the wedding the more it's likely to last ties to the idea that some women just want the wedding. If she's satisfied with a cheap wedding, then it's the marriage she's interested in.

I agree. It's like a cheap date. Do you pay for a $100 dinner on a first date? Fuck no, she has to earn that shit. First dates (for me) are always less than $20 - just drinks. If she doesn't want to go out for drinks, then she's not into me ... she is into my wallet. So a woman who wants a fancy, expensive wedding isn't into you ... she wants the materialistic bullshit, and I bet she's going to keep spending well into the marriage, causing financial ruin.

I'm also curious if the high number of wedding guests would provide some kind of social pressure to not divorce.

My first wife and I eloped. True as those statistics, we divorced. Looking back I realized I eloped because I was pressured into it and embarrassed. I didn't want to marry her, but I was young and stupid.

My current wife and I had a moderate wedding, with about 60 guests. We realized we were very happy together and wanted to show off/share that happiness. In a way, having all these guests said "We're being honest about it" and validated it as being a good relationship. True to the statistics, we are still together and I don't see a divorce in our future.

TrainingTheBrain · 2014-10-22T14:23:22+00:00

That was a solid read and resource that I will definitely share with others.

I have been married for 6 years and we dated for 5 years before the ‘big day’. We pretty much hit every less likely category. 200+ people, honeymoon, etc.

A few points that sort of stuck.

No Honeymoon means getting married on w him, not enough money (possibly poor planning), married in courthouse with intention of bigger wedding/honeymoon ‘later’ which rarely happens as something will always come up.

The biggest point that is left out (maybe I missed it) is what happens after the wedding. This is when both women and beta males let themselves go. They cease to seek self-improvement and become content knowing they’ve got someone for life. Obviously the minute the man stops leading the women looks elsewhere and when the women thinks she doesn’t have to have sex anymore the Alpha will drop her and move on, the beta will likely stay but it’s all downhill from there (See the spreadsheet husband).

The key to a stable marriage is becoming a Family Alpha, keeping shit fresh, and constantly seeking self-improvement both personally and professionally. I recently read the ’12 Bad Boy Traits’ and I shared it on my Facebook. My wife eventually read I and said I had all of those and she was surprised that this is even an issue in the ‘manosphere’. If you keep your goals aligned and set a high standard for yourself and your family then the marriage will last.

OhYouPoorSOB · 2014-10-12T06:28:45+00:00

Well the big part of the "less you spend = more likely to last" is confounded by the fact that most second marriages I know of, cost a hell of a lot less than the first.

All the people I know who had a second marriage, had a smaller, simplier wedding. Meanwhile their first marriage ceremonies were the typical 100+ people deal.

The income is COMBINED INCOME. Maybe she is making more than he is.

In any case, the rest is common sense - people who dated longer before marriage tended to stay together for example.

AchillesOtherLeg · 2014-10-12T11:57:52+00:00

I had thought the RP community was (wisely) dead set against marriage and that it relates only tangentially to TRP owing to those who discovered TRP after marriage.

You cannot simultaneously allow for the accepted wisdom of AWALT and believe in stable LTRs. You can only commit to constant game for the life of a relationship and accept that a more alpha man can appear at any time.

Title	What makes for a stable marriage
Author	anonlymouse
Upvotes	15
Comments	10
Date	October 11, 2014 10:17 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2izalu/what_makes_for_a_stable_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/what-makes-for-a-stable-marriage.22786 https://theredarchive.com/post/22786

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