I want to share with you all a modern day love story between myself and my first girlfriend. Its full of red pill truths and blue pill traps, so enjoy.

When I was a kid I grabbed a hold of my balls and forced myself to walk up to the hottest girl in class (in my opinion) and I started talking to her. A gorgeous asian bombshell with dark straight hair and she was in the middle of chatting with her friend. I strolled up with an "i'm probably going to fail but fuck it maybe i'll learn something" and to my surprise she was the friendliest person I had ever met. We started dating and we almost fucked but I slipped into a depression, she lost interest, and then I moved. We kept in contact for the next 15 years (to this day we still text every now and again).

During this 15 year timespan I thought I had the master plan. I was getting my future self laid, and developing game today that I can use on any girl, I told myself. I thought I was so clever and smart. So there I was, every night having hour long conversations with her over text, for years. On several occasions I had her masturbating thinking of me. She sent me nudes and we both said "I love you" to each other countless time (we still do, even to this day).

Eventually our intimate times together turned into her asking me advice on "what sort of things boys like". From there it grew into stories of how she got fucked by this alpha or that alpha and "do guys like it when you lick the balls?" Being a little beta I was of course shocked that my beautiful princess was taking it anally on the beach by Chad. I managed to keep my cool though and pretend like I was banging chicks too so it was no biggie (Even though she was the last girl I had gotten anywhere with). I deluded myself into thinking "Yeah, so what, we're both banging other people now, but that's only because we're apart. When we get together it will be animal magnetism far greater than anything she or I have ever experienced."

Fast forward to about a year ago. We have a good run of text communication and one night she hits me with a huge surprise. She is going to fly down to see me! And she's staying in my bachelor pad condo?? Holy shit we're finally going to fuck! So the day comes, she flys in, and spends a week with me. Wait, what's that, you want to sleep in the other room on the floor? Uh, OK, fine whatever I guess. So for the first 5 days I'm kinda trying to hit on her and she's swatting me away like an annoying fly and giving me the "we're just friends" sub-communication. On the 5th day we bump into my neighbor: a stoner party boy with confidence and a lil swagger. He gets a look at my girl and guess what, now he's all buddy buddy with me. So I think "whatever, maybe him and I will become good friends". Instead what happened is he starts making fun of me and bragging about himself. "What a douche" I think to myself, "My girl sees through this guy, he's just making an ass of himself". Well... nope, because my girl starts taking his side, and when we get into an argument about something dumb and I'm telling him he's wrong, my girl takes the other guys side. WHAT THE FUCK, you're siding with HIM!? I'm kind of a smart dude, so I lay some facts out and tell them they're both wrong. The dude closes with one of the smoothest moves I've ever seen. He invites her to go out camping with him. They'll lay in his truck and just look at the stars, he says. Hooly shit. I am fuming right now, but only on the inside. I can't tell this dude to shut the fuck up and get out (like I really want to) because... well... technically my girl and I ARE just friends. She's made that very clear.... So, the dude leaves and I sit there pouting next to her like a child. She has no idea anything is even wrong, she's trying to talk to me and I'm just silent. Eventually I get the balls to say (in the most beta way possible) that I'm mad. I explain why I'm mad and she just explodes. "You thought something was going to happen between us!?" Woah. What the fuck? This is a good example of how women say things based on feelings, NOT reality. How many times had SHE told ME she loved me?? We used to date for fucks sake. We've made out on several occasions (although it was now more than 10 years ago). I thought I had made it very clear that I sexually wanted her. Didn't matter, she feels the way she does and that's just the way it is. This made me feel weak and helpless, because I knew she didn't have the sexual feelings for me, and I knew that I wasn't going to logic my way into her loving me. "I want us to be lovers" I said out of desperate frustration in the most beta way possible. Her only response was a shudder, as if she had thrown up in her mouth at most beta thing she had ever heard. She tells me that she's going to get a cab stay in a hotel. "Good, go, I don't care" I tell her.

She doesn't leave, but the next day is a little awkward. I tell her that she's not doing anything with my neighbor and she responds "but, Dad, no!". Hooolyy shit. Wait did I hear that right? Did she just call me Dad? My brain is swimming in thoughts along the lines of "where did I go wrong", but I pull my pants up like a big boy and resolve to give her the "just friends" treatment that she's so clearly pushed on me. We continue with what we had planned and we proceed to hike a fourteener together (for the unaware, we call really tall mountains around here fourteeners). During the day its clear that she still wants attention from me, but I'm just mad. Mad at myself, mad at my neighbor, mad at the situation, mad at life. I'm giving her the cold shoulder the best I can, despite the awesome time we're having together. That night we cuddle on the couch and watch some TV, then go to sleep in our separate rooms again.

The next day is similar to the first 3-4 days. An awkward sexual tension, even though we're clearly "just friends", but its still fun none-the-less. Its the last day before her flight, so at the end of another long day we start drinking. I come on to her again in my own beta way, and she rejects me once again with a disgusted look. I was actually surprised how well she was holding it together, despite being drunk. It was like there was no amount of liquor in the world that would make her want to fuck me. So I go to bed: horny, sad and lonely, yet again. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, the door opens. "pmmedenver?" she says. "Come on in" I command. She sheepishly obeys and crawls into my bed. She lays next to me and I immediately pounce on the opportunity to cuddle and touch her all over. She recoils in disgust and I out loud say "FUCK IT!" and again turn my ass to her with the cold shoulder. A few minutes later she cuddles up to me and I thrust my hand into her pants and go to work. She finally does not resist and embraces it. I make it clear that I want to fuck but she's not interested, she just wants me to please her. So like a good little beta I obey and whisper in her ear that I want to make her cum. We fall asleep spooning and the alarm clock rings. She has to go.

On the plane she texts me "I should have fucked you pmmedenver". She continues to text me for the next couple days saying how much she loves me and misses me.

So the biggest takeaway from all this that I've learned is that text game is fucking useless. Women do not have "sexual memory". Just because they masturbated over text to you yesterday does not mean shit today. "But with this girl it was years ago that you got her off, thats why" you may be saying to yourself. Don't make me tell another pathetic story from my life to prove you wrong, because I've actually repeated this same exact experience with ANOTHER girl I met, although it was over a timespan of a couple months, not years. Don't waste your fucking time getting women off over text. The skills don't translate into real life (because the majority of communication is nonverbal) and you're not filling the wank bank for later because women are not a memory foam. They don't have "sexual memory". If you go through the trouble to get them wet you better be right in front of them to take advantage, otherwise you're probably just getting them horny and sending them off to fuck somebody else.

Will I ever fuck this girl? Its 17 years later and I still don't know.