A few years ago, I lived in a trendy neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York called Bushwick. At that time, Bushwick was the “cool” neighborhood in New York City because it had the wildest and most fun clubs and bars in the city. It was also the neighborhood where the DJs, artists, punks, hipsters, goths, scene kids, party people, sex workers, drug dealers, fake shamans, psychedelic voyagers, LGBTQ people, and other weirdos and ne’er do wells lived, so a night out in Bushwick was always a colorful adventure.

The thing Bushwick was most known for, however, was fashion. In the clubs and bars peoples’ outfits were colorful, unique, risque, outside the box, hip, weird, cutting edge, and often very stupid. The clothes in Bushwick were so crazy that on Halloween the neighborhood did not look any different from a regular night. Almost anything went, and the only thing you could do wrong was be boring. If you wore a typical New York City finance bro outfit or a normal basic bitch outfit you would stand out like a sore thumb.

As you might imagine, women loved coming to party with me in Bushwick because women are attracted to the dark, mysterious, transgressive side of life, provided they can venture into it safely under the protection of a powerful man. There was, however, a major problem: almost every time I invited a woman to come party in Bushwick, they had an existential crisis about their outfit. They would often call me multiple times asking what to wear, sometimes trying to keep me on the phone until they figured it out.

As a man, I could not understand the big deal. I do not care what strangers think of me, and I generally wear whatever I feel like unless it is wildly inappropriate for the situation (like wearing swim trunks to a funeral). So in response, I would just say “Who gives a fuck? Wear whatever you want. You can wear a trashbag in Bushwick and nobody will care or even notice. Just wear shoes you can dance and walk in.” But almost every time, the woman would insist that they had to match the vibe/scene/culture/dress code of Bushwick.

I quickly learned I could not win this argument. Even though these girls were usually successful, proper Manhattan professionals who were completely unlike Bushwick people, did not live in Bushwick, had no connection to Bushwick, and only came to Bushwick to hang out with me, they insisted on looking like they fit in. They sometimes spent hours sending me pictures of different outfits and sometimes even bought a new outfit just for their one night in Bushwick. One girl even cancelled our date an hour before we were supposed to meet because she had not found an outfit she was happy with. Of course, when we were actually out in Bushwick, nobody ever noticed or said anything about their clothes. In fact, these girls often did not talk to anybody else but me all night. Nevertheless, they still felt a powerful urge to not violate the “rules” of Bushwick and stand out by wearing the wrong thing.

Outfits are important to women because  part of the fun of hanging out with an attractive man is getting dressed up and looking sexy for him. Women have a natural desire to please the alpha male, and a major part of that is looking good. It is also important to women to not embarrass their man by looking weird, out of place, inappropriate, etc. In fact, if a woman regularly shows up to hang out with you looking like shit or does not seem to give a fuck about how she reflects upon you, she probably does not care about you.

But there is an even deeper reason that these women felt such intense pressure to wear the “right” outfit: Womens’ strongest, deepest, and most important evolutionary imperative is to be accepted by the tribe, whatever they feel the “tribe” is in that moment. In this case, to the mind of these women the “tribe” was the entire neighborhood of Bushwick, so they needed to feel “accepted” by it. This kind of thinking is obviously irrational - a neighborhood is not a tribe and cannot have a dress code, and every bar and club in Bushwick had its own vibe and aesthetic, so the idea that there was a single outfit they could wear to be “accepted” was silly. But logical considerations like that did not matter. These women absolutely could not accept the idea that they might feel rejected or even stand out in a negative way.

Womens’ obsession with fitting in is an indicator of something extremely deep in the female mind. Men want to be accepted by the tribe too, but this desire is infinitely stronger in women because women evolved to feel like they cannot survive in the wild on their own. To a womans’ subconscious lizard mind, without a tribe she cannot procure resources, she cannot protect herself from the monsters of the wild, and she is vulnerable to being used and abused by hostile men (for sex … or worse) and then left to die. For a woman, being accepted by a tribe is literally a matter of life or death, so every fiber of their being is dedicated to staying in the tribe’s good graces.

Women naturally adapt to the frame of whatever they tribe they are seeking acceptance from, so women felt a powerful urge to conform to the “frame” of Bushwick, including its dress code, its attitudes, its ways of acting, and most importantly, its “rules.” Girls would sometimes pretend to adopt an entirely new identity for their night in Bushwick - girls that were hardcore conservatives pretended to be super-liberal and happily took shots with and sang karaoke with drag queens, girls that normally listened to pop music would pretend to like weird techno played by a guy who looks like a space alien in the basement of dive bars, and on and on. Sometimes the girls even made fun of Bushwick and the people there, but would still conform their behavior to the thing they were making of.

As a man, I had trouble empathizing with these womens passionate desire to fit in because I did not feel the same way. Even though men also want acceptance, men evolved to feel like, if the shit hits the fan, they can survive without the tribe if they absolutely need to. As a result, men feel less of a desire and need to conform and kowtow to the tribe. Men can also take their position in the tribe by fighting for it rather than by being accepted by an existing member, so they are less likely to feel pressure to adopt the tribe’s frame. For these reasons, men are generally more confrontational, less submissive, and put up with less bullshit. Women cannot outwardly express this type of independence – they must do whatever it takes to stay in the tribe.

Womens’ need to for Acceptance is the key for understanding female psychology, including much of womens’ strange, counterintuitive, and even evil and crazy behavior. This need helps explain why women are obsessed with power and status, why they are often submissive, nonconfrontational, and accommodating, but also why they are quick to turn their back on people who they feel cannot help them gain status in the tribe. It also explains why women are conformist and quickly adapt their identity to whatever the “in” group happens to be, why they are manipulative and calculating in relationships, why they are constantly insecure and anxious about where they stand with others, why they are so empathetic and feel the emotions of others, and on and on and on. It is not an exaggeration to say that almost everything women do is in some way influenced by their need for Acceptance.

Understand this aspect of psychology is critical for game because womens’ need for Acceptance is also a critical element to womens’ sexual attraction. The alpha male makes the final decision on every major question for the tribe, so women evolved to feel like the only person that can give them the strongest acceptance is the alpha male. Think about it: the janitor of the White House might be able to let her sneak in the back door of the White House, but she would obviously prefer an invitation from the President. Acceptance from the President is much more “firm” than Acceptance from the janitor, which is why women prefer the alpha male’s Acceptance.

In practice, this means that even if a million nice guys are trying to make a woman feel like a princess, the only man that can truly make her feel accepted is the man who exhibits alpha male traits because, in her subconscious mind, he is the only man who can guarantee her Acceptance in a powerful tribe. And if such a man appears, she will form a deep emotional connection with him because she will subconsciously see him as her only source of survival in the crazy world.

Sometimes men are confused about why I portray sexual attraction in terms of the “tribe.” Sex is (normally) between a single man and a single woman, so why bring the tribe into it? The answer is that when a woman emotionally connects to a man, she does not feel like she is only emotionally connecting to his person. She also feels like she is emotionally connecting to his frame and his reality, which means his resources, his activities, his rules, and so forth. In other words, she is connecting to his “tribe.” This is why women are attracted to men with lots of friends, social proof, resources, and so forth. The more of these things a woman feels like the man has, the stronger she feels his tribe is, and therefore the more attractive he is.

Women also need to be Accepted by the tribe because humans are a pair-bonding species, which means that both men and women evolved to feel like men must help raise children. Therefore, for a woman to want to have sex, she needs to feel like the man will be a reliable partner for at least some time into the future. This is the same as the man being part of the same “tribe” as her. In a woman’s subconscious mind, being part of the same tribe as a man means they are a “team,” they are on the same mission, and the man will reward her when she works for it.

If a woman feels like you and her are part of different tribes or are pursuing conflicting missions, she feels like you are a hostile outsider she cannot fully trust and should not have a baby with. This is critical because, from an evolutionary point of view, the worst thing that can happen to a woman is that she left to raise a baby without the help of a tribe. To make matters even worse, once a woman has a baby with a man outside her tribe, she cannot join a different tribe because men in the new tribe will not want to raise her baby. In the wild certain primates have even been shown to kill the children of other males.

Acceptance is, above all, an emotion, and often works based on stupid and irrational criteria. A man can work 12 hours a day to support his wife and not make her feel Accepted, but a fuckboy can call a girl once every three months for sex and make her feel Accepted. This chapter is dedicated to teaching you how to generate this emotion, and if you can do it, you can bat way out of your league, even if you are ugly, short, broke, and stupid. On the flipside, you can be the tallest, most attractive, richest, most high status man in the world, but if you cannot make women feel Accepted, not only will they not want to have sex with you, they will be repelled by the idea of sex with you because they need to save their womb for a man who will Accept them.

A few years ago, a sex researcher did a survey of women about what the elements of the best sex were. The most common answer might surprise you – most women answered that the key to great sex is the buildup to the act, even the texting in the week before. The build up is important because it is where the man makes the woman feel desired, sexy, and cared for: In other words, one of the keys to great sex is Acceptance. (Mind you, these are guys that the women already decided they want to have sex with, so there are variables that women were not taking into account).

One of my hottest takes in game is that the main reason women reject men is not because the man is unattractive, but because the man does not make her feel Accepted. Tons of guys chase and show interest in women, but most guys fail at creating the emotion of Acceptance. If you stand square in front of a woman, look deep into her eyes, and confidently and energetically say “You look fucking amazing,” her subconscious lizard brain will not be able to help but feel attracted to you (she may still reject you for other reasons, but in that moment her lizard brain will be excited). But if you say the same thing in a weak, low energy, timid, anxious, soft way, or if you try to talk to her from far away or without genuine enthusiasm, she will not feel those same emotions and will reject you. Simply put, making a woman feel warmly, genuinely Accepted is the closest thing there is to a “cheat code” in game.

Of course, like any emotion, Acceptance is complicated, and women will often accept “less” Acceptance from a super-attractive man than they would from a less attractive man or a man they see as a beta provider. But unless the woman is a completely soulless, emotionless zombie that only has sex for money or social media likes, she needs to feel some Acceptance before her pussy gets wet. Even celebrities and manwhores need to make women feel Accepted to some degree, and a major reason .

On the outside, women often do not look like they are seeking Acceptance from a man. But no matter how hot, bitchy, snobby, man-hating, emotionally disconnected, or “too good” a woman may look, in the inside she is still a little girl that wants a big, warm hug and a spot at the cool kids table. Girls often try to project the image that they are cold, bitchy, mean, jaded, and disinterested in men, but you must understand that even the hottest, bitchiest supermodel or Playboy bunny still cannot survive in the wild on her own, so she feels the same primal evolutionary urge to be Accepted by a tribe – any tribe – as any other woman does.

Obviously, women want the best tribe they can get, but if they cannot get Accepted by their first choice of the tribe, they must take SOMETHING because otherwise they are dead in the jungle. This is why you often see beautiful women with ugly guys and losers. Sometimes beautiful women are with losers because the man is paying them or because he has incredible game, but more often than not, beautiful women are with men who are losers because the guy made her feel Accepted in a way that other men did not. Tons of hot girls have a secret loser they keep around because they need that feeling of Acceptance.

Once I learned how the psychology of Acceptance works, I was better able to assuage womens’ concerns about coming to Bushwick. I realized that what these women were really looking for, deep down, was acceptance by the alpha male. “Bushwick,” as a neighborhood in New York City does not have an alpha male, so the closest thing that could play that role to give her Acceptance was me! The correct response, therefore, when women asked me what to wear was for me to tell them what to wear and ask them to send me a picture of whatever they ended up choosing. Unless their outfit looked like complete shit, I would respond by saying, “That looks amazing, and it will be perfect for Bushwick.” Once women felt like I Accepted them, acceptance by “Bushwick” – or really anybody else – did not matter.

My website: http://www.woujo.com