Summary: in one way or another, you'll end up validating girls. The difference, however, lies in the different types of validation. There's alpha validation and beta validation.

Body:

Just by talking to a girl you're validating her, because you made her worthy of your attention. You are giving your attention, and thus your time, to her.

Even if you saw her photos, and don't say you liked them, but say you took a look and found them interesting, only to make a further comment to reach a goal in the conversation (such as talking about a photo project you would like her to take part in, or anything that could use the aforementioned comment as lead), you're validating her. However, if you go on and validate her even further, by complimenting her job, then you're running an extra mile and unnecessarily validating her.

Both examples are what I call alpha and beta validation.

A romantic gesture from you is an alpha validation when given as a reward for something nice she did, whereas it's ugly beta validation when given out for free.

Your attention, your time, your awesomeness and even your jokes are enough - and sometimes more than enough - free validation for women.

Even if you ignore them completely you're validating them - if you apply logic, of course. Why? Because it takes an effort to always ignore someone, so that person's presence has been recognized, even if you don't show it. It becomes a validation the moment their presence is being recognized.

This works the other way around, as well. Some guys are needy and constantly look for approval and compliments. The attention people give to them are enough validation. People listening to what they say is a form of validation. Even when they openly disagree, because they recognize the other part as worthy of a debate.

Lessons Learned:

The moment you're talking to someone, you're validating them. The moment they're listening to you, they're validating you.

  • Alpha Validation: time, attention, amused mastery, gestures as rewards

  • Beta Validation: compliments, romantic gestures given out for free, paying for stuff