I leaned this the hard way. Yes I have heard it before. I've read about it on TRP, it's logical and even self explanatory. However knowing this doesn't help. You simply can't fake confidence and hide your insecurities. They show right through. I'm not talking about body language and tone of voice. Those behaviors can be learned, imitated and practiced to some extent. (Not perfectly but still that's not the point of this post.) At the end of the day, women will figure you out for what you really are. They'll see though your pretenses and and shit test you until you break. And if you don't have rock solid confidence you will break. At least I did. Don't get me wrong here. "Fake it till you make it" is good advice. Faking it is better than putting all your insecurities on full display to the world. However faking it won't make you any more confident. Not by itself.

Confidence does not develop automatically. You can't just expect to wake up next morning and be confident and good to go. You can't read some article about confidence and "just believe in yourself" to make this happen. True, this stuff will give you a small boost of confidence. But it is short lived at best, because your subconscious mind knows you for what you really are. Anyway, this is where I have to stop, because I do not have rock solid confidence and do not have a fail-safe strategy to get there. However, after the lack of confidence that that fucked my current relationship, I did some lurking. Here is what I found and understood in 5 points. Please feel free to add to or contradict this list.

Move forward

One of the biggest blows your confidence can get is the feeling that your life is stagnating. Being stuck in school or a dead end job for years, not doing anything about your deteriorating state of health or simple things like not doing anything about the irritating roommate who's practicing guitar solos full volume at night when you are trying to sleep are major confidence killers. In short, being a reactive bitch will have a massive hit on your confidence. If you don't feel like you are progressing in life, going somewhere, then it 's an issue that should be addressed. Even simple things like having healthy meals, lifting and taking care of yourself will give you this sense of progress. In summary, you need to be proactive about shit.

Be decisive

It's an accepted fact that being indecisive around girls is a major turn off. But it is also a major confidence killer. If you don't know what you want, then how can you believe that you are capable of achieving it? (OK that was a cheesy sentence.) Point is, knowing that you are able to choose what's best for you speaks volumes to your subconscious mind. I'm not trying to imply that you should know what you want in every single situation. Sometimes it takes a while to figure things out. In these situations, you're cool as long as you make the best decision you think is possible at the moment and not looking back. In short, make your decisions yourself, and own them. (On a related note, compulsive lying is a side effect of being indecisive. If you are into that shit, just stop. It fucks your confidence up big time)

Expose yourself

Now if you are an extrovert you can skip this point. But some of us aren't. An introvert with low self confidence will avoid the spotlight like the plague. And that's bad. It's bad because someone who is not comfortable with people in general can't expect themselves to magically become comfortable with women. That is, if you are a quiet guy, you need to be visible. As one guy puts it, "man-spread your life" and watch the confidence grow. Connect with people. Strive to have a larger circle. At the end of the day, pick up skills are just people skills marketed for people who want are looking to get laid.

Validation

Personally I think "Do not seek validation" isn't good advice. Validation, or the feeling of importance is the second most important psychological need of humans; the first being sex. So instead of not seeking validation (At least until you develop solid confidence), you can choose to widen your pool of validation sources. This translates to having a close group of male friends, spinning plates or at least flirting with multiple women. That said, we can't overlook the validation one gets from himself. This comes when you prove something to yourself or you achieve or surpass your goals. This, I think is the most important component of confidence, since it lets you have faith in yourself. It is easier to have confidence and faith when you have information to base it on.

Enjoy challenges

The most tricky part about confidence is having it when you have no reason to have it. You can be confident about shit that you have done or even shit that someone else has done. Most people only feel “confident” if they already know they will succeed or if they’ve seen somebody else overcome that challenge.  But you often have to do things that you have no reason to be confident about. This is where the guy who constantly challenges himself gets an advantage, because he is not scared of the unknown. That, is true confidence. So you should try to enjoy challenges instead of looking at them like a burden.