The Back Burner Plan

There is a recent phenomenon I have noticed in when it comes to the approach many women take in dating and marriage. Specifically, the lack of prioritizing of marriage as a goal in favor of taking a detour before making an effort towards that goal. It is something I refer to as a “back burner plan.” This is differs from “backup plan” in the manner that they have in their minds that they will be married someday to a particular type of guy, but there is a willful avoidance to making that goal a reality more promptly. Meanwhile, the backup plan is does not have that particular type of guy in mind as the ultimate goal, but is done when all other avenues fail to be fruitful. There certainly is a similarity in the lack of prioritizing marriage with the man in mind, where she is able to claim that the man she married is the one she “loves the most” even while she avoided that result until the last possible moment, but the back burner plan is far more deliberate in nature while the backup plan is more accidental.

The back burner plan has a distinct characteristic where the woman has it in her mind that she will be married to an upstanding man in a timeline that is convenient for her. The type of man will most often be the reliable, Beta Bucks man that she would see as a great husband and father, but not the exciting boyfriend. She truly believes that she can plan this sort of thing out perfectly, as if everything will fall into place at her appointed time. Meanwhile, she is free to have her exciting boyfriends that she knows that she will not marry, friends with benefits, flings and one night stands, or any combination of these things in all the years before the time frame she wants to find a different man to with whom she will settle down. She will justify this decision with many different rationales, including:

--“I need to find myself/I don’t know who I am” (As if she discover that through shacking up with some other man/many other men)

--“I want to be free before I am tied down” (Definitely not an insult to her prospective future husband)

--“I don’t have time due to my education/career.” (You will make time for things if you find them important. Is finding a good man to marry less important than anything else? And are you holding off on any men otherwise?)

--“I am just not ready to get married yet.” (I am sure whatever waiting period you deem acceptable will not be used to prepare yourself for marriage, but rather to live in a short term mindset.)

These excuses do nothing to tell anyone she sees as husband material that he is truly important to her. It is a major slap in the face to be told that you would be a hindrance to her having fun and excitement before her chosen time of marriage, since it is an admission that she would rather spend time without you when she has the options to do otherwise. Being put on the back burner for a later date shows that her priorities are not in a married life with you, but rather in living selfishly. If she truly loves you, she would think you are good enough to marry now, not just later down the line. She would not want to spend a moment not committed to you instead of attempting to avoid it until the last minute.

Men do not want to be your back burner plan. Married minded men are the ones looking for women who are marriage minded from the start, not women that think they can adopt this mindset at their convenience. Many men are opting out of accepting this bad deal, so many women will find that shoving men to the back burner will end up with them having their meal plans burned.