Hi there

Newbie here. I just wanted to discuss "the line" in regard to letting your emotional guard down at all, and also in regard to flirty talk/texts.

I have been OLD (no other options) and following FDS guidelines strictly. I have been separated 14 months, and have spent the past 8 months in therapy healing from PTSD from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narc who is surprisingly (haha...not) similar to my narc mother.

I have unmatched with anyone who has not initiated interesting conversation within 48 hours, and/or only comments on my appearance. I know that I have fallen for stupid tricks/traps of LVM in the past and I do not want to go there again. I realised that at age 41, I have never actually "dated" anyone in the typical sense of the word. The intense therapy and self-work I have been doing has meant I have finally addressed childhood wounds and gotten to know myself. Better late than never! The baggage reclaim podcast is awesome (FDS approved :))

One guy I have been chatting with/seeing for just over a month. We are both very busy and have the major caretaking role for our children, so it was just over two weeks of chatting via text and several phone calls before we met in person. He has been very respectful both of my time and my privacy and personal details, has demonstrated that he has boundaries, and respects mine (and I have tested him haha). He sends me texts every day. Initiates interesting conversations, has shown continued interest in me as a person. He drives for about 40 minutes to see me for our dates, pays for everything without a second thought. I feel valued and respected, but not pushed or burdened. The first date at the end, he asked if he could kiss me, and followed my cues that I was happy to keep kissing for a few minutes. He did nothing more than put his hands around my waist/back - but in a very gentle, sensitive way. It was really nice. He then said that he would really like to see me again, and that he was available next weekend. We confirmed arrangements over the following 2 days.

Second date, more kissing, a little more touching - still nice - no groping or grabbing. Said he would like to see me again. We have booked in 3rd date (there will be no opportunity for sex, he knows that already). He lets me know that he is not actively dating by keeping in touch with me about what he is up to, but the official exclusive talk has not been had.

Q 1. I am wondering how much flirty talk is ok at this stage? Any time we have had flirty texts or conversation on phone/in person, he has always followed my lead, and never taken it too far, and always stops as soon as I do. We have a running joke about topiary that looks like dicks, for example, but he's never made it awkward, or referred to his own dick, or made any mention or even hinted at it 'leading him on'.

Q 2. The other thing I'm a bit unsure of is that he asked me the other night "what are you wearing? a chicken suit? haha" (We have a lot of jokes about costumes as he is a comicon nerd and has several costumes). I am happy to keep the "what are you wearing?" question as a joke until he has the exclusive talk - would you agree? I actually had on a tshirt that says "Grand-daughters of the witches you couldn't burn" and sent him a picture of that which he loved :D. He sent me another "what are you wearing" message last night, and I sent back, I'm wearing leggings and a tank top, what are you wearing? He sent me a picture of himself wearing christmas tree leggings lol

Q 3. I guess it feels like he is sounding me out and seeing where the boundaries are....and I know that he has to raise the exclusive talk....but how much do I keep a lid on things until he raises the exclusive talk? How much do I push the flirty talk and keep expecting him to keep dropping it as soon as I do? Or is that just another way to weed him out if he's not genuine? It seems disingenuous to me to push things too far when I know there's no way I am having sex with him until he talks to me about it. Help me out with drawing some lines here please :)