Hello Everyone, I thought this was the best forum to let it all out and hopefully receive some positive feedback.

I was with a guy for over about one year and we went through a lot during that year including 2 pregnancies and a miscarriage and later abortion. The first half of the year was amazing, everything was right. Not perfect but right. He even met my family but then the latter part, he pulled away.

I felt him slipping away but held on for dear life because he was a doctor and when I thought about the man I wanted it was him.

He was slipping away rapidly and I finally have the courage to ask "are you seeing other women?" And he said yes. I cried, lashed out and continued. My self esteem wasn't the best and still isn't.

I told him I would look the other way as long as he had time for me but he was still slipping away. I turned up at his house twice and the other woman was there.

We had a one night of fun and I became pregnant. When I told him he told me "you know why the other girl isn't pregnant because she uses birth control." It hurt me to my core and I decided to have an abortion.

He apologized later on and we kept talking and even phone sex and stupid me, thought we were back together or on the path.

He told me he was going on vacation and my gut told me it wasn't a regular vacation and eventually I snapped and he said he was going there because it woman lived there. My heart sank and I lashed out.

During that lash out, I asked why am I not good enough when I do/did everything "perfect" the way a woman should and he pointed out one of my biggest insecurities my weight. I cut him off.

This was last December. Its September and I still replay the relationship in my head. I still have him saved in my phone because I haven't found the strength to delete it.

I am better than December but not that much better. I'm still hurt.

Is this length of time normal to grieve a relationship? How to move forward in life?

I want to start working on my weight next month

TL:DR Ex hurt me but I'm still mourning the relationship, what do I do?

Please be kind