I broke up with my ex about 1.5 months ago. The first few weeks were tough, thereafter the pain moved mostly into my dreams. I keep dreaming about him. The dreams are all the same: no matter what I do, it never works out. Which reflects how I felt in real life. That no matter how much I tried to "communicate", or how many times he claimed that he would "change", his principles remained the same so he did the bare minimum that he could get away with.

I know that and that's why I initiated the breakup. However, I haven't slept very well since and I wake up feeling spent and exhausted and emotionally worn out. I am starting a new job very soon and I really don't want to wake up like that every day. I take at least half to a full hour to recuperate every morning, and I often wake up in shock and in tears, or with some indication that I had been crying in my dream. Then I continue to cry until I feel the chemicals generating those emotions drain away.

In some dreams, we seem to be communicating openly at first, and in others, I'm trying to avoid him, but I can never get away from him. He is never physically hurting me in the dreams, the pain is all emotional, ie. micro-cheating, being hurtful / rude, stone walling, gaslighting

I'm aware that part of me still misses him acutely (even as I remember the other horrible things about him), and it needs to be dealt with slowly. However the dreams really frustrate me because I don't know what I'm supposed to be resolving.

I don't hate him. I don’t really second guess my decision much because I don't want to return to what life with him was like and I know he will never change. It seems like some part of me is still wishfully thinking / hoping that he will?

I know I’ll never get closure from him, but I think part of me also really wants it. I knew that if I did the breakup talk in person, he would either go overboard convincing me to stay (including physically restraining me / taking my phone), or slam things violently (he choked me briefly once) and then leave. Both seemed like even more distressing events so I opted to text him instead.

I only have recurring dreams when I've had trauma - I was caught in the periphery of a natural disaster once, and years later, I still have recurring nightmares of it every now and then. Slowly, over years, those dreams are getting slightly better. If this is PTSD, it's on the light end of the spectrum.

I'm wondering if it might be the same thing. Dreams (REM sleep) are usually supposed to help us resolve stress and trauma that we experience during the day, but in an environment where emotional stress is dampened. But in people with PTSD, this is broken and the emotional wounds remain raw.

In my waking state, I either let it out by having a cry or just meditating if I feel anxiety. But I seem to have no control over my dreaming state, which is immensely frustrating