Hi ladies, this is my first post here but I have lurked in FDS for quite a while.

I packed as much of my stuff as I can and moved out from a manchild I have spent close to 3 years with. I won't go much into details, but it has been a rollercoaster of a relationship. I have been promised change countless times and it would spiral back to the "default" in a few days. He lacked so much what I need in a man: ambition, motivation, life balance, social life, healthy hobbies, routine, work ethics, emotional labor and initiative in the relationship. He was on and off unemployed during our relatioship but had a safety net from his father so was able to keep the expenses divided fairly between us as it was a big boundary for me. He didn't do anything useful either, and spent most of his free time gaming. He was always sweet to me though. I never felt fulfilled but I loved him and he kept promising me that with enough support I would see all of what I needed from him and more. But he never delivered to his promises and I never felt secure about my future with him.

We got engaged after a year into the relationship and I think this also kept me longer than I had to stay. Our wedding got cancelled due to covid. He blamed our conflicts for him staying the way he was, so I tried to be supportive but I feel like he only said this to shut me up.

Honestly everything else in my life was (and still is) going great and I felt this huge stress of having a problem in my life that was out of my control to fix. Now I am struggling a lot with guilt of staying so long with him and wasting 3 years of my life on a man that was definitely not worth it. My emotions got the better of me, I just feel so ashamed. I feel like the biggest fool. Looking back I see how he showed his true self 3 months into the relationship and I was too naive to believe he would stay that way, but he never showed any growth. What was I thinking all this time? It doesn't help that my mother whom I moved in now never supports me in breakups as she is rather a pickmeisha. I don't feel supported in this.

Didn't expect this to get this long, but it felt good to vent. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with this? It feels liberating to leave but awful that I neglected myself like this. This is a second failed engagement for me, which feels heartbreaking and shameful for me. I just feel like a big idiot. How do I move on and forgive myself?

Any advice will truly be appreciated.

Best, C