Showing intent

cutsforluck · 2020-06-11T01:50:01+00:00

Good on you for recognizing the bs.

Now, we must assume that you actually are a HVM, so this must be defined and clarified. The definition of a HVM will vary, and can be adapted to fit your personality. So what I'm going to say will reflect my own version. Some things are a constant: demonstrate initiative, be considerate and respectful, thoughtfully plan your time together (dates etc), listen to her carefully, ask questions, show INTEREST. If you're at the stage where it's appropriate for her to come over, make sure your place is presentable. You find her attractive and compliment her, but don't be creepy at all or try anything sexual too early. And of course, if you're really interested in her, TELL HER that you'd like to be exclusive. Do not ever assume. Be consistent with your communication, which should be easy if you're emotionally stable. When in doubt, ask if something is ok to do.

Demeanor should be attentive, yet you should be assertive enough to not be walked over by anyone, and ideally that you make her feel safe/protected. This point in particular is not necessarily an overt demonstration, but there should be no question that you would be useful in a time of danger/crisis. This is kind of primal, I know, but I think it's quite important. I shouldn't have to worry if the man will freeze or respond inadequately and I will have to defend us both (not that this has happened *cough*).

You can also look into the love languages to tailor how you like to give/receive affection. For some it's quality time, acts of service, etc.

Other HVM traits: financially stable and responsible, emotionally stable and responsible, no excessive drinking, no drug use, no other addictions (video games, gambling, watching sports, etc), takes responsibility for mistakes and action to fix them if needed, has goals (career, what he wants out of life etc), and is overall positive and healthy.

Of course, you should invest the time and care in someone that you actually care about and with whom you see a solid potential relationship. The point isn't to put on a facade, it's to put your best foot forward. Make sure that you see it as building a connection, working towards both of your long-term goals. HVM don't see value in empty sex. They see it as a waste of time.

NecessaryCook · 2020-06-11T05:41:58+00:00

Media examples:

Prince Harry
Russell Wilson

Women who read FDS can spot the sweet nothing lies from a mile a way, so we watch actions. Does he treat you with the utmost respect, kindness, dignity and care? Does he keep his word? Does he care about your feelings, is he empathetic? Is he stubborn or quick to apologize and has a kind heart? Is he generous or stingy? Is he consistently uplifting, supportive and loving or is he hot and cold? Is he always making you feel like a priority or putting himself and his selfish needs first? Does he respect your boundaries and peace? Does he surprise you with things he knows you'll love just because? Does he try to find solutions to your disagreements or does he lack communication skills?

Communication is so important. No leveled-up woman with sense is going to stick around if a man cannot have a mature, honest, emotionally literate discussion with her.

HVM are mature-they are going to actively look for solutions to problems and think of the bigger picture. They know you're on the same team and they are thus not oppositional, aggressive, or antagonistic towards you. They will handle situations, even tense ones, with love, class, grace, and an understanding that both of you are on the same team. This is a big one a lot of self-absorbed and immature manchildren millennials forget. If you are truly building a foundation for the future, you're going to conduct yourself in a way how you would be treating your FUTURE WIFE, your queen. You are not going to be blowing her off, bailing on her, disregarding her feelings, cancelling on her, being stingy at all. All of that shows your character is unfit for long-term partnership. Women are constantly evaluating these things and trying to gauge where your heart is, what your character is. You may think it's no big deal to be cheaping out on your gf, but when the time comes and you want to get married-she is actually going to reject you because she thinks you're too much of a miser. You may think it's no big deal not to apologize to her after fights because you always have make up sex- but when the time comes to commit, she is probably going to leave you for being an unempathetic brute who refuses to take responsibility and blame. You may think that Netflix and chill is enough to sustain the relationship, but your low effort and lack of romance is going to lead to resentment-she can and will find someone who will regularly take her out on dates and make her feel special instead. Little things add up and you have to really embody being a HVM in all aspects.

We don't like fragile egotistic guys who get offended easily, have anger tantrums or meltdowns, refuse to apologize, don't consider our feelings, don't ask our opinions, and don't support are dreams.

These are things we look for in evaluating a LTR/husband.

When you read about the mindgames that fuckboys use to get laid-that's all it really is, a facade. Do you think these women who have been taken advantage of and mistreated really want to invest in a low-value, dishonest, and selfish person like that? No one with any sense would. So I hope you found value in what I wrote above and I hope it got you thinking of the character of a true high-value man. A HVM has great insight, is mature, responsible, loving, generous, kind, empathetic, romantic, considerate, good at communicating, enthusiastic/optimistic about the future, giving, loving, smart, consistent, honest. These are certainly the ingredients to a successful and healthy relationship where your partner appreciates you and loves you, and knows your heart is in the right place.

Final note- a HVM never disrespects his relationship or cheats. He doesn't entertain other women, he doesn't talk about them, he doesn't even joke about that. Honor your relationship and you in turn will be honored with the best relationship of your life. This includes not watching porn and lusting after people who are not your SO.

On a more practical level, these things traditionally are a sign of intent

listening to her feelings and wholeheartedly making a concerted effort to acknowledge what she's saying
meeting her family/parents
asking her to marry you
discussing future plans of marriage with sincerity
asking her what kinds of rings she likes/her ring size
discussing your 5 year and 10 year plan, how many kids you want, etc.
discussing the future together
expressing your sincere love for her
being a consistent HVM who makes her feel special and treats her like a future wife

The worst thing a guy can do really is disregard, belittle, put down, and argue with a woman. None of that is going to be conducive to a good relationship. You need to make a concerted effort to be forthright, mature, and communicate effectively and lovingly. You can't be stingy and self-absorbed. You can't be evasive about the future or nonchalant (she will rightfully take that as wasting her time). And you can't seem like you take her for granted. She should feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. If she feels average or normal to you, you are failing at your job. You're not really adding value to her life, but bringing her down. Got it? Think bigger, you are really supposed to be adding value and joy to the people in your life and treating them with respect and kindness. If you master that, you master being a HVM.

To add another dimension to this discussion, do keep in mind there is the compatibility factor too which has to be there-physical, emotional, intellectual, socioeconomic, sexual, and so on. Not every HVM and HVW can be together due to compatibility differences.

the-cool-hedgehog · 2020-06-11T09:47:26+00:00

I 100% believe that any person who wants to be HV, regardless of gender, must go to therapy. We all have unresolved issues and traumas, and if we do not actively try to seek ways to work on them, we will 100% try to use our partners as free therapists. For many reasons this burden usually falls on women, who spend too much of their mental energy, trying to help their partners who are too unmotivated / stingy to do the work for themselves. So this is what I strongly recommend.

Since other commenters have already covered the most, I'm just going to add a couple of details of my own preferences (however, largely shared with other FDS women):

-it is extremely crucial for me that the person has goals and ambitions in life. You need to know what do you want out of life and actively work on achieving this. Do you want a beautiful house, financial stability and strong family? What steps do you take to achieve this? Do you want to succeed in certain areas professionally? How do you plan to make this happen? This takes the work on your part to figure this out; after that you will have your values in order and you will much more confidence in life - you will be actively building it, instead of just being someone to whom "life happens" - you will make your own life happen. That will arm you with confidence (the good kind, the opposite of insecurity) and it will definitely reflect on your romantic life as well.

-a tiny detail, but I pay huge attention to it now. When you are dating someone, do you proudly show her off? If that doesn't happen, it is a huge signal that there is something sketchy about you (for instance, if you actively use social media, but the woman you date is not featured there at all. There are of course exceptions, for instance, the woman in question might be very private, but even then there are other ways to let the world know you are dating this amazing woman. If you don't - well, you make the person feel she is not that amazing to you; in that case - boy, bye).

-Actively be a good man. Not just a good person - a good man. That doesn't mean just be respectful and decent to women - that is bare minimum. Be someone who calls out sexism and misogyny, who condemns and shames locker-room talks. Take part in protests and actively show your support for a better world. HVW will not be attracted by you simply being decent, their bar is higher. And this involves you starting to educate yourself in feminism and these questions. However, nowadays there are infinite amount of resources available - books, podcasts, YT videos, films, you name it. If you are into stand-up, I recommend Hannah Gadsby's "Nannete", it's mindblowing.

Finally, there is this simple advice that women use on themselves - your main goal in life should be becoming someone you yourself would want to fall in love with. That is a very simple mental exercise to apply on constant basis. Would you want to date someone who only lies on the couch in a place that looks like trash, smokes weed and plays videogames / lurk on the internet? Or would you want to date someone who gets up early every morning to work out, cook themselves an amazing meal and then sets out to make a world a better place? Do you even like yourself? If not, be someone you like. That is a very simple hack I apply myself, and it works.

I wish you luck on your level-up journey! It is the best journey there is.

Title	Showing intent
Author	AgnosticStopSign
Upvotes	31
Comments	6
Date	June 10, 2020 11:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/h0mwb7/showing_intent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/showing-intent.1068618 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068618

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