Current situation: Wife has locked herself in the bathroom crying to avoid me after I tried to pass what I believed to be a (pretty major) comfort test by repeatedly insisting that I love her and trying to hold her and giving some very light AM attitude at the same time. Her entire attitude was that it was way too late for that kind of thing, that she wanted nothing to do with me and that I am selfish and heartless and do not care about her.

Question: Was this a comfort test and if so, what could I have done better? Or have I in fact fucked up in some deeper way?

Me: 30+ 82 kg 15% bf (navy method). 2 kids 0-5 y. Been with girl (kids' mother) for 13 y. Have applied mrp techniques for about 6 months and made some good progress.

BACKGROUND

Today:

I got up at 7.50 after a night out. Wife was still pissed from yesterday and got more pissed since I slept in (again, see below). She woke up at 6 with the kids. I tried and failed to penetrate her mood. Declared to the kids that we were going on an outing. Packed up and left at 9.30 with two happy children. We did two great activites that the kids love and had lunch in between. Got home after 4 h. Kids are now tired and happy.

Wife got pissed that I decided the outing on my own and that I took the car so she couldn't use it. She correctly concluded that I ignored her bad mood and did not care of her opinion regarding the outing. Says she feels left out and disrespected. I offered her to come multiple times, honestly and truly wanting her to come. I know that she would have loved today's activites.

YESTERDAY

Yesterday, my wife got mad at me right from the start because she woke up (was awaken) with the kids early and I was not on my feet until 30 min later. I then made breakfast while my wife remained in bed but was unable to fall asleep again. At 8, I started working and left the kids to her.

She was in a foul mood during the day. Receted all attempts to game her. Then declared that she wanted to go play golf. I actually thought that it was a good idea after a rough week and wanted to make it a familyu priority as captain. Took time out of my work day to take care of the kids while she golfed. She came home right before bedtime, kids fed, washed and ready. She got really mad that I hadn't made food for her. I tried to penetrate her mood and offered her my nude embrace after taking a shower. She rejected.

I then with happy OI groomed myself and went out for a night out with some friends. Had a great time and got home at 01.30 AM. Wife sent a lot of texts, seeming both angry and affected by dread.

THE WEEK
Now, my wife is tired after a week of staying home from work to take care of our sick kids. I have worked (lawyering) from home throughout the week during office hours. Captained pretty good and dedicated all the time I can (with exceptions, see below) to taking care of the kids while I am not working. Cooking, bedtime and so forth.

During the week, I left the kids to my wife on wednesday night at bedtime to go prepare a thing with male friends for a gentlemens club dinner I am going to tonight. It was planned ahead. I left according to plan in the middle of bedtime, effectively neglecting that my wife wanted me to sit with one kid while she put the other to bed in a bedtime routine that I do not want to support. From her perspective, it ruined her night.

FURHTER BACK
Historically, sleeping in and thus leaving the kids to my wife have been one of my red flag weaknessess. This has been a major issue until I started with MRP and is still not perfect. Ideally, I would get up 30 mins before everybody else each day. But most days, the described scenario is what happens. I will admit that I have currently accepted this state as a great improvement on my side - effectively we often get up at the same time and I do take care of the kids for the first hour of my day. Although, and this is important, sometimes (perhaps once every week) I do sleep an hour longer in the morning. My wife does not get the same opportunity.

FUCKED UP?

For me, the current situation feels as a failure. At the same time, I have captained to the best of my ability during the week and done good work both in the "office" and at home, all while keeping a happy and strong frame and sticking to my reasonable plans. Despite this, maybe I have failed as a captain by not creating the opportunity for my girl to get reasonable rest. Or maybe I did OK and just failed the comfort test?

I feel like I have done much right and still failed.