How do I get better at AA

Sepean · 2017-08-28T05:08:56+00:00

Just do it. Literally amplify what she said. It doesn matter if it sounds retarded. It's practice. If she throws a hard shit test back, amplify that too.

If you're lost, just stfu, smirk, pat her on the head and go do something else.

Especially in the beginning, even a good A&A won't make her happy.

justpickanyusername · 2017-08-28T15:52:30+00:00

How serious have you been in your relationship? Be honest. If you have always been serious a 180 into cocky asshole will be unauthentic.

Be fun. Keep at it and slowly ramp it up.

Red-Curious · 2017-08-28T04:44:30+00:00

I literally just wrote this comment that answers the question.

What I didn't say to /u/AustralianArm that more clearly applies to you: Your AA sucks because you don't believe it. I'm 99% confident that when you AA you play it off like a joke. It kind of works because she laughs at the joke and it lightens the mood, so you feel like you're doing it right. Obviously you're not seeing the results you've been reading about. Why? Because it's not a joke.

AA is a tactic within the amused mastery mentality. If my son does something bad and I give him the stink-eye, he might say, "Daddy, you're being mean!" I then tell him: "You're right I'm being mean [agree], and if you keep talking to me like that, you'll see just how mean I can get [amplify]." I'm not kidding when I say this. I have an amused mastery over my son because his misbehavior isn't actually ruining my day - I'm above that; but I communicate on his level so he can understand me. If I had to guess, you haven't risen above her testing within your own mind yet. That will come. Until it does, AA will be a lot harder to pull off.

With that in mind, with your wife, when you're ready to AA (and don't take the word "ready" lightly) this works better if you add playful innuendo. "You're right I'm being mean [agree]. Maybe it's because you need to be punished [amplify]." Now, if I say this as a joke, she's going to laugh, roll her eyes, flirt back, or ignore me and go on with whatever else she naturally would have said/done - probably a combination. If your actions after AA are dependent on how she responds, you've already lost. You have two primary actions:

Follow through and have sex with her. If this is what you want and the opportunity exists, you have to follow through. Make it a genuine initiation. Show her you mean it. After you say something like that, you pin her to the wall and say, "Do I need to get the handcuffs or do you promise to be good?" Obviously don't commit spousal rape, but do show her that you're willing to follow-through. If she believes that, you're good, even if she ends up giving a hard no anyway.
If you don't want sex, you've got to at least make her believe you would (or that you would if circumstances would permit). For example, if the kids are up, you start to initiate until she pulls away, then keep going a bit more until she's a bit uncomfortable, then you say, "You're lucky the kids are up right now or you'd be in big trouble." Same deal with "company's over" or "we have to go somewhere." After you do this, withdraw your presence. Remember, she's fitness testing you. If you want sex right then, great; if not, don't reward her garbage by re-engaging in the conversation afterward. Pull a tease-and-leave. If you can't control the conversation after an AA (or even before, for that matter), you've got bigger problems than learning how to AA.

Title	How do I get better at AA
Author	trowaway3724
Upvotes	2
Comments	13
Date	August 28, 2017 3:43 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6wgxrm/how_do_i_get_better_at_aa/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-do-i-get-better-at-aa.205596 https://theredarchive.com/post/205596

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