Probably some beginners question but I am currently struggling to find the golden path between Rambo mode and weakness. Unfortunately the context is huge so I try to keep it short but maybe info get lost.

Context

LTR of a decade, one common child, both of us around 30. We had some problems during the last years, dead bedroom was not one of them. Separated once but returned to each others shit because of our child. Well and the sex is great.

I tried to figure shit out and found TRP a bit more than one year ago. I accepted my weakness of the last years and tried to improve myself silently and avoiding Rambo mode.

LTR found out that I am reading TRP by spying on me (obviously I was not nearly as silently improving as I aimed for or she was just spying on me randomly - and thus probably repeatedly). She loves and hates TRP equally, she was reading more threads than I did, being obsessed with it. Initially we sometimes discussed some subjects but normally that didn't end well and I told her I am not discussing TRP content with her anymore and she shouldn't read it as she doesn't get the meaning and context properly and that it is destroying her. She admitted and claims now that she doesn't read it but who am I to believe that?

So I was hitting (and still am) the gym (SL5x5), diet properly (currently bulking 6'3@185lbs), groom, take more care about clothes. I get the attention of other girls.

I have to confess that my reading is a bit behind (also because I didn't know about MRP for a long time). I read MMLP and Rational Male 1/2 and some shitty PUA books. I read a bit more about stoicism and evolutionary biology. NMMNG is next (maybe this should've been my first choice).

I am approximately at Dread Level 8 but I am not necessarily dreading her intentionally. I guess that just happens automatically.

Problem

My LTR is utterly inconsistent in her response to my action.

  1. When we are alone and together she likes to be led. She likes to take the easier job by just agreeing. I select the restaurant, bar, museum, party and she usually likes my choice. Sometimes she asks me what to wear but that's mostly because she wants to acknowledge my effort and manipulate me into believing she is now the RP female ideal. I however do these decisions as well and I think I didn't slip here at all.

  2. If she is alone (we live separated) she is in constant dread because of all the horror stories she read on TRP. She is a very jealous person in general. If I didn't talk to her for one day she appears depressed.

  3. If we are together with other people she typically initiates powerfights with me. I think she wants to keep the upper hand that she held for many years. Just typical shit testing. Nothing I would really take for serious.

My response to all of her behavior is rather stoic. She is still inside my head and can corrupt me becoming emotional but that happens less and less often nowadays. I think she feels that she is losing the power over me and my life and that I am slipping out of her hand. But she even claims that I was always too emotionally detached from her and our relationship (I translated that as I didn't game her properly).

So I get a huge amount of heavy comfort tests as response to my development and that somehow feels like I am in Rambo mode. But I don't feel like I am Ramboing. Is there some way to sensibly adjust your own development? Or am I missing something completely? Is my description just the healthy transformation I want to achieve?

Maybe some nice recent anecdote: My girl likes rough sex. She doesn't like to be spanked because she despises humiliation (at least from me) but other stuff is allowed. I try to keep the variety high and am sexually satisfied. I guess she is as well. Once however she broke into tears during sex claiming that I am objectifying her and that I need the kick to hurt her to reach my own climax. That totally came out of nowhere and I was utterly confused. I have no idea if that was a shit test or comfort test or whatever but it was again highly against her former behavior. I treated it as a comfort test and slowed down a bit. Maybe the wrong move though.