Late Blooming Anger Phase

donedreadpirate · 2017-06-08T18:36:14+00:00

I want to start this by saying, for me it was never about the sex. I'm young, come from a conservative family, and frankly you can't miss what you've never had.

Fuck off.

I ended up here after a link to Rollo Tommassi's "Just Get It" article. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. Recognized myself as a piece of shit, that my relationship is currently in shambles, and that I needed to make changes. For me. Partially for her, but mostly for me.

Now we're being honest.

One of those changes is going back to school to finish my degree. One of those is finishing the getting in shape I started back in high school but gave up on after I plateaued at three months in and have been back-sliding ever since. I developed a plan. School will take two years, my body will take one and then get re-assessed. I did financial projections for school. I started going to the gym. I started reading, and watching. I've been at it for 5/6 weeks.

Awesome, you started your MAP.

I'm not really implementing except when it feels natural for me and right.

And immediately started fucking it up.

I'm also dealing with the fact that I am a literal autist, though not the faggot part. So I'm working on the physical and the mental and once I have gains in those areas I'll start experimenting with the social.

With excuses to boot.

I had to sit down with my wife and explain what was going on as I was getting constant shit. Roughly explained the captain / first-mate concept, and did my best to sell her on my vision for the future, and a rough concept of what that would entail. She seemed to accept it but was apprehensive (drunk captain).

Okay now I believe you, that you're literally autistic. It's okay.

Recently however, with the change no longer being theoretical and now being a reality, she's become extremely disrespectful. Worse, she's hamstered to such an extent that she's unintentionally gas-lighting me that she's being perfectly respectful until I get upset at something imaginary.

And you don't understand why after 5 weeks of a half-assed MAP she isn't your biggest cheerleader.

Last night it came to a head. I was checking out apartments for rent on my own while she was at work. Vetoed them, and while I was in the city we were planning on moving to, found some other ones that would actually work and were within price range. Telling her about them later, she kept cutting me off.

"If it was so popular why didn't you pay the deposit to secure it?" "Well did you at least grab an application?"

I fucking lost it. In a cold even tone, I told her the disrespect was crossing a line and that I was going to the gym.

You love talking to her about what you're going to do, don't you? It must get super annoying listening to some dumb fuck talking about all the shit he is going to do all the time. If only he would actually do something. She can't take it anymore: "Hey have you actually done anything about this or are you just yapping again?". She needs to know. She's dying on the inside, without a man to lead her. She must take on that role. She needs to force an action. She shit tests, you lose your shit which I can't believe since you've spent so much time doing shit to become an attractive man with his own frame.

I went to the gym and I could think about was I deserved better than this. Even when I was "drunk" I made sure she was taken care of. When we were engaged there were multiple semesters I helped pay for her tuition. One of them the only reason I was able to eat was because I work in a restaurant and the manager appreciated me enough to let me eat there. She's driving a 2010 while I'm driving a 2001 that is held together by clever zip-ties and the fact that I maintain my cars. For fucks sake, I can obviously handle myself.

Covert contracts galore here. This is like the honey of covert contracts. Also I think it's hilarious you have a zip tied car and think you maintain your shit and handle yourself. Some standards.

Then there's the fact that when I was "drunk" I ended up having to repeatedly withdraw from school due to depression.

No accountability. Should she GAF about this? You want her pity. Pity is fucking disgusting. The worst thing you can ever do is pity someone. And you want pity from this woman. And you want her to want to fuck you? Get real.

I coped with MtG, memes, and porn. So now when I decide to take an hour break from a 12 hour school day before starting on homework, she loses her shit. All I could think about was, "fuck this", "fuck her", and "maybe I'll just betabux HER until I graduate, then file for divorce".

Again, no accountability. You are responsible for how you coped. She doesn't owe you anything. Live in your little revenge fantasy so you don't have to do anything to improve your situation.

Finally late last night I victim puked on her, and broke down crying. I'm stressed too so back the fuck off. I'm in school/commuting for 12 hours/day M-F, at work for 10 hours/day SS and my days to relax are only going to be school holidays for the next two years. Frankly it's terrifying, and it's how I know it's the right direction.

You signed yourself up for all of that. You know that, right? You want her pity again. Definitely crying will get it. You should collect all those tears to lube up her dry vagina.

But fuck, I'm not going to babysit you. If anything, I need the emotional support right now. I shouldn't be fielding your bullshit on top of everything else when I'm exhausted.

You sound like the one who needs a babysitter. You need to get your shit together and stop being such a fucking whiny, victim-mentality loser. By the way, this is the game, you don't get to decide if you play. You are angry at your inability to handle your life, including her.

Takeaways Ultimately it's my fault. If I hadn't set such a bad precedent over the last 6ish years we wouldn't be in this mess. If I had just OMS from the beginning of college I would have graduated three years ago and probably be in the 6-figure range. I still have to forgive myself for that one.

Keep iffing yourself full of excuses.

Also, everyone has an anger phase. Even if you think you don't, you either A) haven't hit it yet, or B) are lying to yourself about your emotions. I guess it's time to pick up NMMNG again and re-read about covert-contracts huh?

Uh, yes.

P.S. I know I'm still in the anger phase, and it'll come in waves. I just need to ride it out, and recognize it for what it is. My personal failures in the past causing consequences in the present.

What in the actual fuck? You are actually able to see the problem for what it is. Well, that's a good first step. Dude, you have a lot of work to do. You can't even lead yourself so it's no wonder your wife is constantly shit testing you. I don't blame her. This is going to be a lot of fucking work. Heads down. Get on it. Make adjustments if you have to. I think you are taking on too much shit. It's obvious you are overwhelmed - trying to race to the finish line because you realized you fell asleep under a tree on your way there. It's a marathon.

You are going to Rambo crash the fuck out at this pace. You booked yourself for 80 hours of work/school plus at least 10 hours of homework and 5 hours of gym for the next two years. That's 95 hour work weeks for two years! Fucking Christ. This is exactly what someone who likes to talk about shit would sign himself up for. You probably felt super validated when you signed up for all this shit. Now reality sets in (work, where you have to do something) and you go ape shit. Slow. Your. Roll. Rambo.

CopybookHeadings · 2017-06-08T18:34:09+00:00

Look, I'm rather new here too (and mostly lurk), so it's probably unwise for me to reply to OP, but: There's so much cognitive dissonance in your post.

You're not going to babysit her but then, in the very next breath, you're demanding emotional support from her? Complaining that she's ungrateful?

I've read several (but not all) of the books in the sidebar, and am still working to internalize them fully. I don't pretend to any expertise, but the red-flags here are obvious even to a rank novice like myself.

Edited to add: I get the anger phase. Been there myself for longer than I'd cared to admit; now, rather than continue brooding over what's passed between my wife and me over wasted years, I've made a conscious decision to move forward.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-06-08T18:44:10+00:00

Lol, your hamster is such a whiney bitch!

Stop lying to yourself, then try again

anythinginc · 2017-06-08T18:46:28+00:00

Trying to go from 40% to 15% bf is a big deal.

Going back to school is a big deal.

Paycheck to Paycheck is a big deal.

I had to sit down with my wife and explain what was going on as I was getting constant shit.
Telling her about them later, she kept cutting me off.
Finally late last night I victim puked on her, and broke down crying.

All this talking. Talk here bro, tell us. She's just as worried about all this shit as you are. And here you are telling her about it 5 weeks in.

She is scared, and your past makes her worried about the current state of affairs, and your talking doesn't make her feel better about the future.

Let things go slow, let things happen. Rushing is going to burn you out and set you back, and you can't afford the down time. Talking and rumination is replacing doing, and making you feel rushed. Have a plan for the future, but you have to live today, and tomorrow.

Scurvemuch · 2017-06-08T19:00:21+00:00

Even when I was "drunk" I made sure she was taken care of

Fix yourself before you take on projects dude

Title	Late Blooming Anger Phase
Author	Red_Dragovian
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	June 8, 2017 5:52 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6g2khj/late_blooming_anger_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/late-blooming-anger-phase.206038 https://theredarchive.com/post/206038

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