Because my account is new, they wouldn't let me post on the main thread. Just putting it here until next week.

OYS re-boot 32 yo 5'9 178 20% bf married 12 years 2 kids

Background: Wife had emotional affair a few months after expressing desire to leave me, then reconciling. I was out of town, she had a much older dude over, found out from my son.

Since then we had gone to counseling and things were improving. However, she stated again she wanted to leave. I should have nexted her right away, but I saw some of my behavior as a contributing factor and wanted to make it right. Great deal of oneitis, lack of confidence in myself and a deep desire to keep our family intact.

I take owner ship over some of it- I have chronic depression and have extreme social anxiety, which is more like social despair at this point. After the affair, for the first time I became jealous, paranoid and tried to guard her.

Since counseling things seemed to be improving, but I was too goddamn beta- the beta is deep in my bones- and she wants to leave again. She then took it back, I think its really a cry for help and at this point as she was disgusted to be with such a weak man. I need a break- because I am letting her just walk all over me with this back and forth, I am not demonstrating self respect or high value and I know that I must either address those things or die.

Since I have been resolute about it, focusing on myself- she shows more interest- go figure.

She is a woman and wants to have fun, she has pretty extreme daddy issues from childhood which makes our relationship challenging outside of my issues. We have had a somewhat chaotic life for the past ten years- we have been homeless, traveled around the world and dealt with addiction issues on my part- it was always exciting to say the least.

Now that things have settled down and we have manifested our dream life- the kind we had talked about so often. She is bored. Things in many ways have never been better for us.

Life Mission- To trim down to 12-15% body fat, overcome social despair and lead a rich social life, get paid, travel and become a shining example of how to lead a good life for my kids and myself.

Social: Overcome social despair and learn how to enjoy peoples company and how to be genuine and not leave social situations depressed.

Goals this week: Join a running group, continue with weekly basketball group, open 3 women. Book trip to NYC to visit uncle and spend a lot of time opening and day-gaming.

Health/Physique: Trim to 12-15% body fat begin 2x weekly lifting routine

Goals this week: Continue keto induction, hit my macros everyday (except maybe Thursday). Research lifting routines, gym is closed this week so begin next week.

Mental Health/Spiritual: become stable off meds, thrive and live a deeply meaningful life.

Goals this week: Set plan to get off meds, continue morning meditations/ energy work.

Note: my meds are a huge part of my depression/social anxiety- they are supposed to make things better but they are far worse. I am incredibly flat on these meds, no highs, cant find words in conversations. Getting off of them is really rough, I will have to set aside a week to withdraw and then be diligent about maintenance until I hit normalcy.

Marriage- To negotiate an amicable separation.

Note: we are broke. Just bought a house, she doesn’t work, we have one vehicle. And she is really conscious of the fact that a quick separation would wreak havoc on our children right now. She is staying in the guest house.

We split once before for about 2 years and things were very amicable. Despite our marriage issues, we have been able to not turn nasty and while I will protect myself, I have every reason to believe we can do this outside of court system.

Plus, if she tries to screw me over no one will wind up better, not her, not me and definitely not our kids.

Goals this week: maintain our current arrangement which is living on the same property and splitting duties with the children. Most important for me is to utilize my nights off and expand my horizons.

Fatherhood: Be a shining example of what a rich, masculine life is. Lead my children to excel and enjoy spending time and going on adventures.

Goals this week: most important this week is to just be upbeat and steady. Kids are doing good, continue to provide stable home and good experiences for them.