First post, just created account, but lurked here awhile. Apologies as I learn Reddit etiquette. I have read MMSL and NMMNG (Glover), watched all of Blue Pill Professors' Youtube Videos. Read ALOT about Red Pill, I've recently swallowed. I really get it, but I am not experienced. I have a big hole to dig out of, looking for help from some more experienced sober captains.

I am about 50 pounds overweight, married 13 years, handful of kids, in significant debt but not bankrupt, almost no-sex marriage, starfish sex only couple times a year, no leadership on my part, failed every shit test for years, provided little comfort, not abusive and am drug-free, steady porn user, a real "nice guy"by Glover's standards. I realize I failed at Alpha traits, let everything go-to-shit. I also failed at comfort traits, pretty much checked out when things started going bad, on both alpha and beta tasks in the marriage. Blamed my wife for things for years, really mad about sex-life ending as soon as first son was conceived (honeymoon), rarely spoke up, we grew distant, she was contemplating divorce. Definitely a "nice guy" as defined by Glover. She was about to spin her own plate when I caught her talking to a friend about someone else she had feelings for. Big fight, I threatened divorce (and meant it), things calmed down, more communication and support both ways, but still a roommate situation with kisses she could give her mother instead of none, not what I (or her actually) wants.

Communication is better, and we have a better friendship for sure at this point. But now that I understand women better through TRP, I actually have some hope that things can be what I want by following TRP doctrine. And I know, I might not salvage my marriage, but I'm trying that first, so I can say honestly to my kids "I tried everything to keep our family together." So I have a realistic idea of Oneitis, and I am beyond that but giving this relationship every chance for my kids' sake. My goal is to just be attractive as I can be, to any and all women, and my wife can notice or eventually it's truly over. I knew it took years to get here, and its going to take awhile, and I'm not going Rambo.

I'm hitting the gym and running trails, no weights but running. Everyone here is big on lifting rather than running, anything wrong with running (through the woods and bugs, kind of a manly thing, right?) I've lost ten pounds so far, will keep it up. I like what I'm doing and it feels great. It also gets me time by myself to just think. Right at the beginning my wife wanted completely separate bank accounts. I had set up a budget and wanted her input, and she got mad and said that she didn't want me telling her how to spend her money. (That was a major shit test, and I failed it hardcore. When we were dating and I got a shit test, I would have fired right back, she would have fought and then submitted, I would have gotten what made rational sense, and then we would have the sex that SHE wanted. For some reason, I left my balls at the altar, started giving her what she said she wanted, and had no sex anymore. That was my excuse to go without a budget, and let my finances slowly implode. She went without a budget too, hers are as bad as mine are. Actually, mine is on the right track over the past 2 years: digging into debt Dave Ramsey-style. Much to go but everything current and paying extra to eliminate debt every month. (FICO is 800, really good now.) She still gets calls from banks wanting their payment, lives paycheck-to-paycheck, not in collections but just making ends meet with little/no effort to clear out debt. We both work, and work extra jobs or overtime. How do I handle this? (Incorporate into one account, take charge of finances, help her consolidate using my 800 FICO score, etc...) My failed leadership caused this as did her/my poor choices, but if I had lead those choices wouldn't have happened. I'm ready to handle my shit, but need advice as I'm still sobering up. There's no way she's getting excited to be with me when the life I've provided includes the stress of debt.

Our house is a mess (clutter, toys, everywhere but not smelly/dirty), outside and in. I am now focusing on the outside, doing the "manly things" and hoping that she decides to get on the more beta things (tidying up the inside). By manly I mean painting, cutting bushes, fixing the yard, planting grass that sort of stuff. Am I on the right track here by focusing on improving our home through the more alpha tasks? I've got other questions, but first I just wanted to send these out here and see what it's like here. Thanks for any advice that you've got, captains...