I began the process of unplugging around February last year after spending several months trying to get my wife to engage with me or even want to be around me. Then there were months of wrestling with the idea of blowing up my family of eight in the hopes of finding something different.

After sharing my situation with a friend/co-worker, he introduced me to the Red Pill through a few blogs like Dalrock and Heartiste. I also began reading The Game by Struass. My first attempts at bringing more Alpha into the relationship were laughable and pathetic, because, as they say, I was sprinkling Alpha on it. The trouble, really, was that I still wanted some kind of response from her. She was still the goal.

Needless to say I needed to do quite a bit more reading and hell of a lot more transforming before I would make any meaningful progress and I am nowhere near "there' yet. But perhaps the biggest and hardest change has been to let go of her being the goal. There is some inner faggot in me that rears up when everything is quiet and my emotions are unmasked and just wants someone to be with me without all the bullshit.

The thing is though, this mindset is full of contradictions and ultimately leads to further emptiness. The fulfillment I am seeking can't be found in a woman, its found in a knowing myself and being the man I want to be. If I spend my life in pursuit of a woman or women, I will not accomplish my goal, because women don't want a man who is looking for fulfillment in them, that man is like another child to them. Even if I did find some rare woman who accepts me as I am, I would soon find after tying the knot, that I am still as empty as I was before.

So in the end, I must and am finding other things to live for. A larger purpose in life and goals that go beyond my own four walls. My good relationship with my wife, seems to be a byproduct of that change in my perspective and my leadership of the family is byproduct of my own vision and direction. I am going, so they respond with following.

I think this truth, at least for me, is why I don't buy it when I read transformation stories from guys on here that involve changing everything in a mere three or four months. The Blue Pill conditioning is not handful of behaviors you can change and POW, you are a different man. Blue Pill is ingrained in parts of myself that run pretty deep. As Rollo says, "Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved." Men are the real romantics, and that part of ourselves has to be educated until is a part of our consciousness. I haven't read all of the sidebar materials yet because I re-read each one several times until I fully grasp and internalize the material. It has to change the way that you view everything, not just inform a handful of interactions with your wife.

Just a thought.