Stats: 6’4 190lbs bench:225 squat: 315
I’ve been abstinent my entire life and I am struggling. Recently I’ve been fabricating ways in my mind that make the deed seem inconsequential. Years of repression and resistance have compounded and it’s coming to a climax. No pun. I genuinely think that denying this feeling for so many years has caused problems in other places in my life and psyche. The other thing is it isn’t very difficult for me to get girls, not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I’m a good looking guy. I’ve been saying no to girls my whole life. I get approached fairly often out in public by girls and at my job as a waiter I get hit on by customers and coworkers. Tough life I know right. Any regular dude hearing this would be like wow what a problem you have bro 🙄. Dude there’s no way this is healthy psychologically for a male. It’s so odd, when I interact with a girl in public subconsciously I treat them as if they’re a threat to my virginity. Crazy I know. Theoretically I could snap my fingers and get a women to have sex with me at anytime. The fear of sex in combination of the plethora choices I have of obtaining a female partner I believe is also part of the reason I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve said no so many times that I’ve just adapted to forcing myself to be single. Also I believe that I am in no state to be the boyfriend or husband to any women because of how backwards my thinking is, and I need to clean my self up and correct my daily thinking patterns before I am even capable of having a significant other. Can you see the paradox that I am in??? Even if I do get a girlfriend there will probably be a 2 year wait at least before we get married which also just adds to the pile. Some scripture that I have been using to appease the thought of sinning are the fact that king Solomon who was apparently the wisest man to ever live had 700 wives and 300 concubines. David had many wives as well as other prominent figures in the Bible. Also in the sermon on the mount Jesus says if you even look at a women with lust it’s the same as committing adultery. Like it’s impossible not to look at a women with lust so why not just actually have sex if it’s that easy to commit the sin anyways?? Have I fallen too far into legalism ?? Like where is the line ? Sex has become and idol so it seems even though I’ve never partaken in it. The only thing that anyone ever talks about on this earth, I have served up on a silver platter for me almost daily but yet again I deny deny deny. This sucks bro, I’m not having fun.