It's done. She left without a word but her behaviour spoke for herself.

In advance I'm sorry if my English sucks, I'm a French guy who learnt English at work, not in school.

I feel ashamed to reveal my life online but still, TRP community stay the only place where I can speak the truth about the Beta within me.

Yes I went 100% beta, simp, nice guy , all included. I'm 29yo, One year ago I left everything I had in Spain, good job, Russian GF with a good soul, Sun, real friends. Came back in my dad house in France, with a low self-esteem and start dating a 32yo Borderline single mother, with the darkest mind I ever met, nostalgic about her cock carrousel past and an incredible tendency for jealousy and violence.

I know what you'll think, a smart man would avoid her from the beginning, I didn't. I discovered the Redpill theories at this moment and misunderstood it at first, I believed that to be a better man I should be the rock who leads her fucked-up life (debts, depression, lifegoals). Then I realized the truth but because of my ego, i believed that I could literally change the reality by pushing further, what an idiot. In one year I experienced more violence that in my entire life, shaming, gaslighting, jealousy crisis, economic problems, and more shits that you couldn't believe. Many times my guts told me to run, to see her total absence of compassion and the evidences of cheating, I refused to listen, convinced myself that where the mind goes, energy flows, that I can success with a positive mindset, honestly I deserve Oscars for the movie I made in my head, but it didn't work, at all. Each time I did the right things, she slowly opened the gates of hell. In the opposite each time I went nuts, incredibly angry and destructive, she acted submissive and lovely.

I have to say and I know God is listening right now: I'm not a violent person and I never touched a woman before. But it happened, she went too far in a moment when I desperately wanted love and peace, the last thing I had to express myself, I punched her, I deeply regret it because her daughter understood what happened. That was the culminent point of the worst relationship I ever had, because I hardly tried to save a woman who just doesn't want to be better, just be punished for what she is, and because I let her be more important than my own happiness, I just feel bad about this.

For those who recognized themself in this story : Some women are broken and will stay it forever. If you let them believe that you'll handle there demons, they will destroy you. I don't care if you think you're strong enough, confident or an eternal optimist, this kind of woman will escalate disrespect and extreme bad behavior until you show weakness, and you will. At this point it's over, but if you give her a second, third chance, she'll go deeper in the abyss, you have no idea.

In French we usually say : When you loose something you can realize the value. Today I have no tears for her, I cry for the valuable man I was before this chaos.

Bros, be smarter than me.