Can you ever bring your alpha back into a relationship once you slipped into beta mode?

PillarofRed · 2016-06-06T17:27:43+00:00

The question you have to ask is: Is she worth you investing the time to fix not only your emotion bullshit, but hers as well? (e.g. how many times have each of you cheated on each other?)

bornredd · 2016-06-06T17:42:19+00:00

I recovered from temporary beta-dom.

It's a question of cost/benefit analysis. My wife stayed with me through some awful cancer shit and really stepped up. She may not be a unicorn, but all the right green flags were in place.

I fixed me, it fixed us, we're both happy. Started TRP about a year ago, been married for over 10 years.

quicklogaccount · 2016-06-06T18:00:47+00:00

Answering your question, it's totally possible. You just have to overcome your need for her validation (all kinds, sex included) by making yourself busy with yourself and, make sure you have abundance mentality, and, maybe, engage in active dread a bit.
An enormous wave of shit tests will come. She'll use ALL her weaponry to get the beta back. Sex, threats, active dread, trying to infantilize you. And then it'll stop as she is pulled into your new frame.

And now, giving a non requested opinion, it's not worth it. Here's how you assess the situation.
For starters, think of yourself. Look at the PRESENT and the FUTURE, the POTENTIALITY. Avoid looking at the past because the lens you wear to look at it change with your mood. If you're "good", you'll be likely to either pursue a "imagined" golden past or fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Imagined as in, we're likely to forget about the bad stuff (as well as just seeing it).

Second, you look at her. When you cheated, you made the choice of risking your three months of relationship investment. Did you tell her? If you did, you pushed her into complying or else she would lose the three months.
When she did, she took the chances of the wasting four years of her relationship, and the same logic applies for telling. She was either extremely confident she'd get away with it, which means she has no respect for you at all, or she thinks the work guy is better and was willing to branch swing, which means, well, he's worth more than your four years and you'll be fighting to match him. And also that she has no self restraint against branch swinging. Not worth it.

If you differ, at LEAST take "a break" and feast on pussy for some time, just to make sure you have abundance mentality and to imprint on her that she can not hold your love and dedication towards your relationship against you to get away with screwing up.

Title	Can you ever bring your alpha back into a relationship once you slipped into beta mode?
Author	Frb21
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	June 6, 2016 4:20 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4mtrrd/can_you_ever_bring_your_alpha_back_into_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/can-you-ever-bring-your-alpha-back-into-a.106533 https://theredarchive.com/post/106533

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