Codependency (not the usual kinds) - I need help!

1MillionTinyHorses · 2016-03-03T06:36:36+00:00

You sound like a troubled girl.

This post makes use of pop psychological terms that you most likely do not understand and is filled with self loathing, and reads as "awe-is-me" rhetoric.

The codependency is not chody in the regular sense

You say that and then go onto describe atypical codependent behavior. The only person you are trying to convince is yourself.

all people suck

And like you are a fucking picnic basket filled with rainbows and joy based off of what you described.

You need to grow up and put some effort into your life. If you are having real mental health issues, then seek professional help. If you can't afford it than read about it. With the right books and a journal reading can be worth thousands in therapy. Can't afford a book? Than do an internet search.

The fact of the matter is you have a victim mentality, which is your entire frame of negative reference, where things happen to you, and you refuse to take action or responsibility for your agency. You need to get to the root of things to solve your problems. Why are you codependent? Why are you so needy? What is it that gives you anxiety? Take your time to answer these questions and go from there.

As for your girlfriend, try to be nicer to her, she does have to put up with you after all. If not, at least do her the favor of breaking up with her then.

DemonConsulting · 2016-03-03T08:38:49+00:00

If you have depression and anxiety, you should deal with these first before worrying about a relationship - all the problems you describe can stem/ be increased by your mental health so you need to fix this asap. Most likely it will fix most or at least some of the problems that you are describing because they all come from your own mindset, your own thoughts and have nothing to do with your gf or relationship strategy

If you want to keep your gf you need to start making changes fast and learn how to deal with your anxiety. If she has to constantly worry about your insecurity, she will get increasingly annoyed, increasingly resentful of you and will lose any attraction for you if you keep being needy. Loving and caring about your gf is ok in a LTR but from the way this sounds you are worrying about nothing but her and even getting mad at her when it's all about your own insecurities - she won't put up with this forever. Worst case, she will start hating you for it, break up and then say you were controlling and extremely jealous - you are acting that way so this has to stop. Even if you feel this way, you need to keep your feelings in check.

So what you can do: 1.) Figure out where this anxiety and depression comes from ( why do you feel like anxious about these thing? insecurity/ fear of loss? Bad past relationship? trust issues?something else entirely?....) try therapy or increase it if you're already going. This is what will probably help you the most if you're already in such deep pit feeling like everything sucks and you want to kill yourself. Both your depression and anxiety are what cause the problems in your life/ relationships right now and they may even be linked, increasing each other so you need to get them out of the way first. You are the only one who can fix it it - you can get professional help to aid with the process but you need to be pro active to get there.

2.) Do things that make you happy and have nothing to do with women - be busy and proactive all day instead of contemplating your life. You say that you are too busy to "get a life" but maybe you can dedicate one day of the week, together with your girlfriend, to have a "me-day" where instead of spending time as a couple, you do stuff on your own that makes you happy. I'm sure she wouldn't mind one day where she doesn't have to be constantly available - it's exhausting. If you have time to spend with your gf (the "normal" mode) and time to worry about being in touch constantly, then you can also chose to spend this time differently once a week. Join a new club (ideally something active outdoors) or volunteer, concentrate on your hobbies, go out with your male friends, !Go to the gym! Working out releases endorphines and it's both great for your mental and your physical health - it also takes your mind off the negativity + accomplishments will increase your confidence and your overall happiness. Being busy will take your mind off negative thoughts, will give you instant rewards and will also give your girlfriend a break from being so clingy.

blighter711 · 2016-03-03T15:32:45+00:00

First of all I was exactly like this. Wanting someone else to always be there for me. I found a girl like this, and it was great for a while, but the constant over stimulation is numbing. You need to work on you. Second, read (at least skim through) No More Mr. Nice Guy. The book fixed my head.

Go outside, go for a walk, drive somewhere, sit at the park, jog. Do anything you can to just work on you dude. Get some sun and get some vitamin D. Also phenibut has worked wonders for me.

RedAsBlood · 2016-03-04T03:23:41+00:00

You need to kill your beta behaviour or you will ruin your relationship. To put it simply, women are not attracted to that shit.

You should start focusing on yourself and less on your relationship / women.

Go to the gym. Eat better. Learn new stuff. Improve you income. Start fun and interesting hobbies. Find your passion in life. Be a better man. Your relationships with women should not define you as a man.

Title	Codependency (not the usual kinds) - I need help!
Author	FulkOberoi
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	March 3, 2016 6:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/48qs1h/codependency_not_the_usual_kinds_i_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/codependency-not-the-usual-kinds-i-need-help.161545 https://theredarchive.com/post/161545

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