My LTR is sometimes disobedient when I ask her to do certain things.

As an example, I'm a much better cook than her and enjoy making meals for both of us, and I expect her to clean after I cook. Most of the times she does, but sometimes she refuses as "she always cleans" and completely disregards the effort I put into cooking for her, or the fact that she is a guest in my house.

This bothers me immensely. Initially, I tend to be very level-headed and remind her that it's fair she cleans as I cook and give her shelter, and I calmly tell her that she's free to leave me if she's not OK with my expectations. She replies with "I don't want to leave you, but you're unfair", and starts quoting episodes where she has been obedient, generally getting emotional.

This makes me get emotional (more sad than angry, as she is acting unfairly towards someone who cares for her), we argue for a bit, then we make up, and the cycle repeats a few weeks later.

**What are effective ways of dealing with disobedience?** Do I need to go nuclear and break up with her? Or is there something else that would allow the relationship to continue? I'm fairly happy with her apart from these outbursts of dementia.