I want to first say this is a small rant. I accept advice and criticism.

Thank you.

I'm 18 and I've been trying to game women for a year now. First by using PUA techniques, and then implementing TRP theories.

My problem is that I've always wanted to get laid, but failed so fucking many times. After like 30 approaches I never got laid. This is killing me inside. I always tried to keep being positive, but now my depression is coming back. I'm in a scarcity mentality. I have no plates. My social circle is small so the main reason of me not finding girls is probably this.

At 15 I quit some hobbies (graphic design, swimming, guitar and programming) and right now the only productive hobby I have is lifting. This is because I tried to do things that could lead me to women (I know It was fucking stupid). I've been lifting for 3-4 years now but I'm not really happy with the results as I'm 5'9 and this keeps me back from being satisfied. I know it's something I can't change/control but this is the Red Pill and I feel like I have to just accept reality. I'm not saying I'm short, but I'm neither tall. And everytime I'm out I see guys much taller than me It hurts me inside. It's not that they scary me, I'm not "scared" at all. The thing is that I understand how lucky they are to be tall. It's real that some people fight more than others in this life. There are people who live easily and people who play life on "hard mode", and it's not their choice.

After all these rejections I finally understood how girls don't give a fuck about you and just want to exploit you and make you feel like shit. That's why increasing SMV is fucking important. But here where I live increasing status is probably the most difficult thing. I've been focused more on my looks than anything else. While I'm probably above average in term of looks (probably 6/10) I still have trouble getting laid. My game is above average too, I understand psychology quite good but I still have some inner game troubles as you can see. But it seems that decent game and looks are not enough. Status is what matters here where I live.

I feel the absolute need of getting laid. It is my emotions tricking me into thinking "I need to get laid". I feel like I need to demonstrate to myself I can get laid. I wanna show myself I'm a worthy guy. I'm fighting so fucking much really. I'm living a huge frustration which is killing me inside.

I've tried reducing bad habits like porn and increasing good habits (assigning myself small goals every day for example, reading and so on).

I know I'm still young, but I feel like I'm not living the life I want to live.

I know women should never be the priority, but It's like my brain is fucking trapped into thinking that. I'm obsessed with this thought of getting laid and my testosterone increases this desire. That's why some people do not have the urgency of getting laid due to low testosterone.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm so frustrated right now. My problem is surely about inner game and negative mindset. I kept a positive mindset for like 7 months now but yesterday I fell into depression again. My negative thoughts came back after losing one girl. It's not really a oneitis, it is just that I'm wondering why the fuck I'm still a virgin after all these attempts. I see people getting laid easily while here I am having a rational mind and fatigue to keep women interested in me. Being too much rational is a bad thing. You start trying to understand the "why" of every fucking single thing. You stop living, seriously.