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[–]Hammerway 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
So, if I understand this correctly, unless I respond in some way, I'd be losing status, basically.
Do I have to deal with this, no matter what? Especially if the guy doing this is not my friend?
[–]Hammerway 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Bmax881 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]BeHere22341 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]mconfounded 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
So, I have to fight back.
This actually worked for me a few times, if I manage to humiliate him a few times he'd back off or act butt hurt. But this only lasts for a while and at the first time he gets, he comes back at me! Why is this? It's like I can't lower my guard... does he see me as someone weak? as someone strong? or does he just hate me?
[–]mconfounded 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Ok, so I have to keep my guard up, get it.
[–]mconfounded 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LeanRammus [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
What always works with me, is when someone starts doing something like this, flip it on them with a quick comeback, bonus if the girl finds it funny.
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
In my case, when he says something he does it when he's sure people, or at least some of them, are going to laugh.
Should I let the moment pass a couple of seconds before htting back? Because when I act instantly, I always come out as butt hurt, even when I'm not...
[–]LeanRammus [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Usually I'm a significant presence (The people I associate are rather beta... something I'm working on). So when I talk people listen, which makes it much easier to reply instantly and communicate the appropriate emotion.
What are some exact examples of what he says?
You want to reply instantly, you don't want to rush it and if someone tries to interupt speak louder. If you leave it a few seconds, it doesn't have the same impact.
Once you shut someone down a few times, you put them in their place, and it's easier to keep them down. Then you can have a bit of fun at their expense, and you won't be worried if he comes out with some bs because it's easy to put him back in his place.
Obviously use different tactics in different situations, but I do advise looking at yourself from a third prespective to communicate the correct message across.
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
It's usually the same scheme:
1) he either takes any argument as an excuse to criticize what I do by implying I'm stupid or worthless, or
2) I do something he doesn't like and he starts commenting about how childish or stupid or whatever I am to those in the room.
It's always one of these two. When he's straight up direct with me, I can easily fend him off and then he backs off and starts talking to other people about me, trying to criticize me or similar stuff.
Do you see what he's doing?
[–]LeanRammus [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like he's insecure, as he seems to be the aggressor (correct me if I'm wrong).
What kind of an insult is that, but anyway...
Without seeing what you are like and how you hold yourself, I can't give you a definitive answer. This is something that is best for you to sit down for 10 minutes, and reflect on situations from an unbiased third prespective, and just be real with yourself.
What I suspect, is you have a pretty good frame, however there are cracks. Or he sees you as a threat, or notices other people gravitate towards you - and he feels as though the attention you recieve is unjustified as he is more "alpha".
The fact he makes arguments personal suggests you have a better social standing than him, which gives you the upper hand.
You could use "Okay [name], if I'm so stupid, what do you suggest?"
Deliver in a calm manner, making direct eye contact.
You then let him talk, and now all the attention is on him. More likely than not, he will talk himself into a hole, when you notice a weakness in his suggestion you can keep asking questions, until you've made him talk himself into being stupid. If he does come out with a worthy suggestion, then the focus has been drawn off you. He will count this as a "win" which will boost his ego... the bigger they are the harder they fall!
Does he say this to your face? Or does he say it behind your back?
If it's a bitchy comment behind your back, you can pull the trigger on "Sorry [name], I didn't hear that. Speak up".
If he doesn't reply, then he's got no minerals, if he does repeat what he said, you can use something like "It's childish to make bitchy (use a different word if in a formal setting of course) comments behind my back, [name]."
I usually prefer the confrontational approach, gives you a very good gague on people, however it does set you up with more confrontations if you have a power struggle with someone.
[–]Bmax88 [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly. I used to do my stuff, he would just criticize or comment about me to try to stop me. When I did the same thing (commenting, criticizing) to him, he would just blew off. Then I slowly started backing down, and he began mocking me and slowly making me the clown. But it all started with me doing my stuff without saying shit to him.
It's not an insult, it's just one of the "little rants" he gets started on while attempting to public shame someone. When he does this, he does it when he knows everyone is listening and starts saying all the shit that goes through his mind about you, your immaturity, why what you are doing is wrong, etc... kind of like the old neighbor who can't mind their own fucking business.
Already did, a hundred times. I don't care how I look or how I come off, I never say shit to him so I don't see why I have to even think about tolerating a shit head like this.
I think it's both. He sees me as a threat and noticed he could easily crack my frame under pressure.
I know. And what pisses me off is that he sounds fucking serious when he's saying those, so whatever it is I'm doing turns serious all of a sudden because shit-head has to say something about me, get it?
Always behind my back. Don't get me wrong, I'm right there, either next to him, or in front of him, or in the same room. But he says this shit to other guys or girls without looking at me so that THEY can look at me and laugh, get it? It's all aimed at getting a rise out of me.
Already did, he said nothing and smiled, satisfied I even asked...
That is correct. I confronted, once or twice. Walked up to him, fucking insulted him up to bottom but kept it really confrontational. He didn't lift a finger, and when he walked off all he did was complaining about me, as he always does... butt hurt and angry this time because I confronted him...
I don't know, what do you think?
[–]bahfl 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LordPorker 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link