I’ve had a fairly eventful year. This year, after being alone for a year (involuntarily) I kissed 10 girls, slept with 6 (could’ve been 8) in the space of 6 months.

That being said, I think I began to scratch the surface of abundance this year. But I can’t shake the fact that I still think about the first one I fell for, the girl who red pilled me. It’s like a mental stain that won’t wash off. I still think about her a lot, I have to work extra hard to not think about her, I miss the sex and the conversation. (Reading this back, I’ve been alpha widowed hard)

So is there truly any way I can change, because the thoughts I thought when I was a loser was still there. Even after other girls have come into my life, I still long for her. I found the red pill for solutions, for me to forget, but now it seems like I can’t, and probably never will. What more must I do?