Feeling Like Jerk

FereallyRed · 2020-02-28T17:21:39+00:00

You're treating her like a man... logically and bluntly.

Give her hamster some subtlety and deniability to chew on... you're starving it, so it's going to go look for food elsewhere soon.

AKA STFU.

wtfdoiaskfor1 · 2020-02-28T17:59:19+00:00

jerk? you did it perfectly, just shut up a bit like FereallyRed said.

keep banging her until you get tired.

nice way to pass the shit test tho:

"So is this why you asked me to dinner tonight?" I jokingly responded with, "Yep, it all went according to plan perfectly."

just avoid this:

"You were the one who jumped all over me."

girls don't like responsibility - but rather, the opposite. let her blame you for everything ("it just happened!" doesn't work if "she jumped over you")

i-am-the-prize · 2020-02-28T19:40:52+00:00

Good: isolation and escalation.

Good: AM/A&A ("it all went according to plan")

Bad: DEERing (" You were the one who jumped all over me." )

why bad?

you don't need to Defend your decision it was consensual and she was there too and presumably enjoyed it too.
you don't need to Explain or Rationalize why you all did what you did (it's obvious: you're young, healthy it's natural and because it feels friggin good)
you made HER the overt sexual one with your last comment (..u jumped all over me...), regardless of how true it was or not, such an overt tagging can trigger ASD and regret. Plus, you're the assertive one, own it! Are you not the masculine one who had the plan and executed? Watch what they do, not what they say.

A woman wants to be with a man who wants her, more than a dude needs that. The dude needs the conquest and the release, she needs the bargain, the story, some plausible deniability for her hamster, and the thrill of taming the beast. Your fuckup was you made her the beast and killed the fantasy. next time, A&A again or notice it's a comfort test:

her: "So is this why you asked me to dinner tonight?"

you: "Yep, it all went according to plan perfectly."

her: (No response)

you: (realizing it's a comfort not a shittest) provide some comfort to kill the ASD.

remember, anytime you do Dom stuff or push speed of close with one who many not be used to it, give some comfort. It will allow you to stretch boundaries, as they get the good vibes in the calm after the storm. it's not weak, it's smart.

Good FR, keep growing.

MarkJohnPaul · 2020-02-28T17:16:36+00:00

Just respond and say “ok” then hit her up when you want.

You’re not being a jerk, you’re being overly sensitive because you have a misconception of how women want to be treated.

You told this girl honestly and with no dependency on the outcome that you didn’t want a relationship. Then you two fucked. She likes you. You just kind of like her.

It’s always going to be mismatched. It’s not 50/50. You’re so much more so important to the success of the relationship than the girl (fwb, plate, LTR, whatever). Men mainly have the majority of intangibles in attraction: Charm, establishment, swagger, wit, attitude, whatever. Women on the other hand have looks and what’s between their legs. That said even what’s between their legs isn’t an intangible because every girl has one.

Its impossible for you to like her before she likes you because she doesn’t need to do anything to attract you. She just exists and she’s attractive.

The misconception is that you’re acting like she’s doing you a favor by liking you and you’re letting her down and not repaying her attraction towards you in kind. She’s not doing you a fucking favor. You gotta understand that you’re bringing more to the table, so she should like you. Once you understand that, then you just act non judgmental towards her feelings. That’s why a simple “ok” is the best in a lot of situations. You’re responding, acknowledging how she feels, and not being dishonest by saying any phony shit.

KillaJewels · 2020-02-28T19:50:52+00:00

"So is this why you asked me to dinner tonight?" I jokingly responded with, "Yep, it all went according to plan perfectly." No response.

Good AA use there.

Then I said something along the lines of, "You were the one who jumped all over me." She then switched the subject.

Now you're reacting to her because she didn't respond to you. You otherwise would have passed the ST if you kept your mouth shut.

Btw, you're not a jerk. Pass the ST, continue being genuine, and you'll be fine. GG on the lay

Domebeers · 2020-02-28T20:25:35+00:00

If a girl is in your bed and asks you a question you don't 'want' to answer (ie you are nervous about is it a shit test / comfort test) just kiss her.

mabden · 2020-02-29T00:32:00+00:00

First mistake was talking relationships. First date(s) you keep things lite and fun.

boy_named_su · 2020-02-28T19:09:50+00:00

you did good man. except stop taking bitches out for dinner until after you've fucked em

frognads · 2020-02-29T03:43:04+00:00

Women never want full disclosure.

wessyy · 2020-02-28T17:35:29+00:00

3 things i would've done differently.

No dinner dates except for fwb's and ltr's.
Dont tell her you don't want a relationship, let her bring up the talk.
When she asked you about the reason you brought her here you failed a comfort test.

Title	Feeling Like Jerk
Author	jbrat96
Upvotes	15
Comments	24
Date	February 28, 2020 4:02 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fawvak/feeling_like_jerk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feeling-like-jerk.341143 https://theredarchive.com/post/341143

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