A week or so ago, I posted about having 3 dates with 3 girls in 2 days, you can read it [here]().

Regardless, I setup another date with coffee girl. As I said before, she gave off the vibe of being a "good" girl, churchy, all that jazz.

We met at a central location and walked to our destination. She was hungry so we eat. Afterward, I grab her hand and want to hold it and that is when shit gets awkward.

As soon as I grab her hand, she says, "I'm seeing someone else". In all honesty, I laughed. How can my shit luck of the last year get any worse right, I thought I was in some deja vu shit. Anyway, she says "I wanted to get to know you, you seem really cool and interesting and I thought we could be friends." I thought about it for a bit, and I told her, Thanks for coming out but I'm going home and that I'm not really looking for more friends right now.

She walks with me because she didn't want to stay by herself. She is on the verge of tears, saying how much she is sorry for leading me on, and that she doesn't get hit on a lot and she was surprised I liked her, and no one has ever grabbed her hand on the first date, shit like that. I didn't really have much to say. I told her I wasn't mad (I wasn't), and that she should stop apologizing.

She finally shutup, and we had some pretty banal conversation about classes and sports. It was about a 30 minute walk. I felt bad enough as it was for leaving our "date", that I couldn't walk the entire time in silence. Regardless, she kept saying that she didn't know what the future held, and she's never been in a relationship, all that bullshit, and I told her that I'm not big on being a 2nd option and that things could change, but right now the timing was off. She was pretty upset that I didn't want to be friends though and I told her I'd see her around and got in my car and left.

I feel terrible about leaving the date, and denying friendship, she clearly is atleast a decent girl, but I'm not someone's second option. I've been the 2nd option for the last 3 girls I've talked to and the only one that I haven't been a 2nd option is a low-value single mom from my past.

I'm mid 20's and when I was in high school and early college I was beating women off with a stick, slept with over 30 girls, and now all of a sudden I can't a goddamn baseball off a t-ball stand. I don't get it. I just have to laugh.

Right now, I really just don't feel like seeking dates and I just want to focus on finishing school off. I also don't want to give up.