GF does some strange stuff with her best friend, and it bothers me. How beta am I?

Kalepsis · 2016-08-18T16:36:43+00:00

Red flag warning:

You said he's in a relationship but he says it's not true love.

Did he tell you that? Or did she tell you that after he told her that? If it's the former, he's trying to Mac on your woman. If it's the latter, chances are she's already cheated with him.

You have instincts for a reason. Every time my instinct says "she's fucking around", I've been proven correct. What you do with the information your gut is giving you is up to you.

bebopdebs · 2016-08-18T16:18:31+00:00

whenever she goes to hang out with her friend you go do something else, when she goes with her friend ignore her and make her reach out to you first, when she does ignore her for a while and be busy. then eventually get a hold of her. do this for a while, itll fuck her up. with the way shes acting this relationship is fucked already so you may as well play it better than her.

TRPdating · 2016-08-18T16:51:29+00:00

I think your GF / LTR is done because of the presedence you've alrready set.

Stop thinking women can be your friends. When you truly believe this, you'll understand why men can not be friends to women. They are always waiting for the opportunity to be your girl's Chad Thundercock, even if they are almost always Mr McNeckbeard.

In the 40s and 50s it was flat out not acceptable for a taken woman to fraternize IN ANY WAY with a man. Feminism changed this, unfortunately, and now men think it is completely normal.

YungBoi16 · 2016-08-18T16:37:43+00:00

My gf (six months) will go eating and swimming with her best male friend.

I would've dumped her already.

I feel like I lost my dominace, if he does this stuff with her exclusively that evening (including seeing so much skin of her). What will they do in the lake? Is this some kind of shit test, how should I react?

By dumping her, this isn't LTR material. Plate at best. FFS why do you give hoes LTR status so easily?

From what I could gather from her texts to him, she really does not want more from him. He himself is in a relationship (but he says it's not true love). She does not prioritize him much, she rescheduled a lot and hangs out with me before the day before. Yet I feel uneasy.

God gave men a gut feeling for a reason.

Should I worry? I thoght the RP thing to do (for me now) would be to do the same thing with a female friend of mine, give her some dread game and show SMV. But I cut them most of them out of my life earlier because they were not gf material and the "upkeep" (staying in touch with them) was too time consuming and annoying. So I simply don't have a girl right now to do the same now.

Why would you use dread game? The only way I see dread being usefull is when you're married because you can't leave without getting divorced rape.

Dump her.

MeatCurtainRod · 2016-08-18T17:46:17+00:00

I was that guy in the past. To add fire to the flame of paranoia, a male and female swimming buddy is not a good thing. Because I went swimming and exercising with a married girl, which in the end turned into a VERY bad situation for everyone involved.

The reason why this is a bad idea is because exercising and shit releases testosterone and endorphins. Both of these are key ingredients to sex drives and sexual desires, and the female brain is easily able to associate events/people with feelings. This is a recipe for disaster for the dude of that girl, aka. you. Just my two cents.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-08-18T18:42:40+00:00

I would spend my time lifting and improving something else about me, if I were you.

This relationship is on its last legs. She's just trying to find the better branch to swing to.

jimmAo · 2016-08-18T16:31:26+00:00

well, you're fucked.

Or not, if you don't care, which is what you should do here. Dump her ass.

freeligious · 2016-08-18T23:18:33+00:00

He himself is in a relationship (but he says it's not true love).

When someone shares private details about their relationship with a member of the opposite sex that is a form of emotional infidelity.

Often that sort of sharing is reciprocated, and if she's telling him stuff about you and/or her relationship with you, or even eliciting that sort of information from him, then she's already progressing toward physical infidelity if she hasn't already gotten there.

At the very least, sharing in that way with another man, telling him stuff she isn't telling you, shows you where her loyalty really lies.

The only possible exception might be if, whenever you come up in conversations, she seizes that opportunity to gush over how much she loves you, how awesome you are, etc., in order to establish clear boundaries and communicate her loyalty to you. But even that is a stretch given the fact that she is spending time alone with him, which displays a lack of respect.

So we have emotional infidelity on top of the fact that she, your supposed "girlfriend," is spending time alone with another man, presumably without even inviting you.

Do you spend money on her? Do you have a secure, well-paying job or are you enrolled in an educational program that will make that the case in the future?

the-bum-hammer · 2016-08-18T20:34:33+00:00

My gf (8 months) will go eating and swimming with her best male friend.

He could be the pussy orbiter, but you have to pay attention.

I feel like I lost my dominace, if he does this stuff with her exclusively that evening (including seeing so much skin of her).

If she's spending time exclusively in evenings when she could be with you, yes, that's a bad sign.

From what I could gather from her texts to him, she really does not want more from him.

She may not. What you NEED to know is if they truly have had a history (of fucking).

He himself is in a relationship (but he says it's not true love).

He may be pining for your girlfriend. Probably is. She knows it. Loves the attention. Bad sign right there, of course.

Unfortunately, you have set the tone for your girl to go out with other guys, show skin, spend dates having dinner together, etc.

Don't be surprised if his cum is in her kisses to you.

Thurston_Morris · 2016-08-18T18:09:47+00:00

Just make friends with the guy. Next time she wants to go swimming or whatever, just tell her something along the lines of "hey! I have nothing to do this evening, ask him to grab his girlfriend and we'll have a barbeque together" just be really nice to the guy and don't assume the worst. Genuinely try to make a new friend. If she really is cheating on you, chances are she's tried to play victim to this guy telling him you treat her poorly in some way, so not only will you being nice disprove her in front of him, you'll also make friends with the guy and he'll feel super guilty to cheat with your girlfriend.

Nugget_Muffins · 2016-08-18T17:43:14+00:00

This is why best male friends shouldn't be a thing with your LTR

Albacorewing · 2016-08-18T22:20:53+00:00

Buddy, if you think she is your GF, you are getting taken for a ride. She sure as hell does not think that you are her BF.

brooklynisburnin · 2016-08-18T19:36:18+00:00

I'd lightly flirt with women in front of her, you know, like waitresses and stuff, if that level of dread won't make her turn around, then she most likely is cheating.

jjp-3 · 2016-08-18T19:51:07+00:00

demote to plate at best giving her walking papers sounds better

life is too short for such antics....

onmyownpath · 2016-08-18T16:31:43+00:00

If you get jealous she will fuck him.

TermiFaptor · 2016-08-18T18:00:15+00:00

You mean your fuck buddy or FWB
No gf does that

rockmasterflex · 2016-08-19T05:55:43+00:00

Your GF has a male best friend? Did you NOT know about this ahead of time?

I always try to find out by the end of Date 1 if a chick has mostly guy friends (especially intimately close ones) or not. If she does, she's not a keeper.

yeaokbud · 2016-08-18T22:11:56+00:00

If you're just sitting around waiting for her to come home/come back around, you're doing it wrong. This would tell me you also haven't done your reading.

Yes, you need to absolutely step up your dread game. Yes, you need to increase your SMV by hanging out with women/displaying your value. Yes, this all needs to be covert.

InGodWeTrust1776 · 2016-08-19T03:17:13+00:00

Don't allow your woman to have male friends.

Andorli · 2016-08-19T08:49:23+00:00

I would recommend to break up immediately, the more time you spend thinking about this shit show the more valuable time you lose. The time that you could be investing into your SMV and personal life. So start distancing from her, go out and do more of your own thing. Lift, eat, read, rave, sleep, repeat. Always trust your gut, it is there for a reason. And remember men and women are not fucking friends ever. Either one of them has much higher SMV and doesn't want another or the circumstances do not allow them to have sex YET, with key word there being yet.

MattyAnon · 2016-08-19T10:52:29+00:00

He's an orbiter.

Be wary but don't act suspicious or jealous.

blackfin · 2016-08-18T18:02:06+00:00

Downgrade her from GF to plate. You already know her behavior is fucked since you're calling it "strange". Once she cleans up her behavior she can earn that GF title again.

notmyusualreddit · 2016-08-18T18:11:56+00:00

I personally have never spent more than an hour with a girl alone and not got sex eventually. If I was swimming with a chick, we'd be doing it by the second swimming date tops.

Your relationship only exists because she likes something you provide. But she does not respect you or fear losing you. In my opinion it's too late to recover but everyone has to learn that on their own so goodluck.

TheProspecter · 2016-08-18T21:22:48+00:00

if you had other dating options, the physique of zyzz and the a solid/stoic frame i doubt she would pull this shit. Shes looking to fuck this guy. She will never tell you and she will hide it very well and if she ever does tell you (which she wont...she will take it to the grave along with the other men she will cheat with...because once she cheats its a domino effect) it will be years down the road (when its harder to walk away). I would soft next, spin more plates and when she comes back (which she will assuming you have the traits listed above) you can decide where to go from there. Plate or next. Definitely dont LTR this chick.

jamesham · 2016-08-20T08:34:27+00:00

What are you asking? If he's going to fuck her brains out? There's a 50% changes that it happens, or 10% or 90%, nobody knows.

My advice is that you cannot do anything to stop her, she already made that choice. You can deny her to go, you can beg, you can start a fight, but all that will fail and will make things worst, even is she doesn't go. You can apply dread or ignore her, or do something else which could stop her without bad consequences. But the problem is not how to stop her, the problem is that she wants to go with him, so, in my opinion it's over, I would let her go and I would later dump her.

DenyinTheHolocaust · 2016-08-18T17:08:30+00:00

She might not be that into you and/or she might not be all that into the idea of a relationship.

The issue here is you've entered her frame, she didn't enter yours. You're in a reactive position instead of a proactive position. This is not where you want to be for any LTR.

It's not just about "what" you want, it's about "how" you want it. Both are important. You're obviously not getting what you want how you want it, so you will need to think about that and consider your options.

SeekingTheWay · 2016-08-19T14:12:56+00:00

definitely don't show jealousy.

just go "unexpectedly" hang out with friends and appear at home suspiciously late or even the next day when she does this the next time. tell her it was a great party, if she wants more info tell her you don't remember much. tldr: dread.

LordThunderbolt · 2016-08-20T16:24:14+00:00

GF with male best friend that isn't gay? Atomic red flag. I learned it the hard way. Listen man, you don't want to go through what I went thru. Just demote this hoe to plate status or fuck buddy only. She's not your gf and she's not gf material.

Maddisonjkk · 2016-08-19T06:38:41+00:00

Woman's perspective: I'm in a healthy LTR and we both have good friends of the opposite sex that we hang out with. Neither of us are jealous and there is no more to the relationships than there would be with our same-sex friends.

From what I could gather from her texts to him, she really does not want more from him.

She does not prioritize him much, she rescheduled a lot and hangs out with me before the day before.

Why are you uneasy then? Not all of us give you "shit tests".

Title	GF does some strange stuff with her best friend, and it bothers me. How beta am I?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	63
Date	August 18, 2016 4:11 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4yd478/gf_does_some_strange_stuff_with_her_best_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/gf-does-some-strange-stuff-with-her-best-friend.184448 https://theredarchive.com/post/184448

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