~ archived since 2018 ~

Guy friends

UniqueAway · 2019-07-20T15:35:42+00:00

I never had so much friends and now having some but do you invite your guy friends at your flat? I wouldn't like much guys at my flat, only girls... What...

UniqueAway

July 20, 2019

0 upvotes

/r/askTRP

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

PDF TXT EPUB

Support the archive

Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.

It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.

I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.

Support the archive

Post Information

Title	Guy friends
Author	UniqueAway
Upvotes	0
Comments	16
Date	July 20, 2019 3:35 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cfn3wb/guy_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/guy-friends.246737 https://theredarchive.com/post/246737

Comments

[–]X--Man2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]FinancialThanks10 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RedSkeller0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]OrzhovPalatine0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link

I don't think there are much genuine friendships. I just think like we can meet outside with the guys I don't want a guy sleepover at my place. I just think like it's my personal space and I only want girls there or be alone.

Yeah, it's fine to share ideas and help but they are too inexperienced and broke I'm broke too but I am feeling like a real ladies man lately. I don't want to spend my time listening to their failure with girls. I'm 28 still studying and the guys are 19-20 and too inexperienced. I think only the ones who is above me will raise me up. I was alone at school and just got close with the first guys I encountered with. Now, I will plan because life is a game. I will be friends with the rich kids, who lifts, has girls around.

Close inner circle. How close?

I like the idea of having friends but I wouldn't want them stay at my place or have them for a coffee at home it just feels weird? Like a lost time?

[–]OrzhovPalatine0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Thing is there are very few genuine friendships. I'm extroverted so Im generally friendly with everyone but I only let a few in any deeper.

If you dont want guys at your place you dont have to. I rarely invite my boys over my place but we still hang out elsewhere.

See I actually look forward to mentoring other dudes mainly cause I was in their shoes and usually the dudes I mentor legit want to learn.

Also if you expect to meet guys "above you" the easiest way is to ask to be mentored. It's how I met dudes above me.

Inner circle are dudes will will take a bullet for you and vice versa. You're only going to have like 2-8 guys like this.

Ultimately these dudes are your advisors, I cannot stress how important it is to have dudes around who are straight with you and on a similar road as you

You dont have to invite them over but shit you gotta have coffee with them and hang out and bond.

It's just werid if a dude doesnt get along with other dudes much like if a girl has no girlfriends.

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean when you say deep? What separates them from regular friends by the things you talk about?

But doesn't mentoring eat your time, I don't want to write WhatsApp messages

To whom I will ask to be mentored? Like those guys asks me? But I don't want advice on girls much I just want to hang out with them, go to the places they go, get into their circle, rich successful people and hot girls If I ask their mentorship they won't

Nobody gonna take a bullet for you This is stupid, even families doesn't care about their childs on some cases.

Girls and guys are different, girls are fragile they need girls around, they need to be guided so they get into a group until they find a guy who will guide them. I don't want to guide other guys nor I would like to be guided. I just want to get valuable friends, and those valuable friends are who can do favours for me, the ones we have common grounds and same goals, not the guys asking me to rate their looks, cry when they are rejected and ask me advice.

[–]OrzhovPalatine0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Deep as in the relationship isnt purely transactional and requires little to no upkeep to mantain.

Mentoring does eat your time but you dont notice it if you legit like doing it. If you dont then dont do it.

As to who do you ask for mentorship its guys who have shit you dont have. Most dudes above you wont be around the same places you're at and wont connect with you right away cause you're not on their level.

That's why you learn from them cause it gives you a way in. Most dudes are happy to mentor guys that want it.

If you're not willing to take a bullet for a dude who would for you then it's not going to happen. It's a two way street for when its guy to guy.

The problem I'm seeing with you is you want the benefits but dont seem to be willing to give anything in return.

That's not how it works.

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

And can you compare to regular friends? Do you exchange phone numbers? I mean I don't want to be in a relationship with any guy like that, no upkeep to maintain is good but there should always be a line between. If a guy tells me about his failure with a girl ask for advice and almost cry telling those, then are we getting deep?

I realized I don't like mentoring so I will cut it Yeah I shouldn't do nothing I don't want to do.

Exactly those dudes has a completely different life, hangs places I never visited, do things I didn't experienced. Then how am I gonna connect them? If I meet straight away it feels weird also I don't want to be seen inexperienced

I wouldn't take a bullet for anyone and don't believe anyone would do it for me already. Even my closest friends betrayed me and was jealous when my life was getting good while theirs not let alone taking a bullet. They tried to manipulate me to make mistakes. When I'm good with girls they are extremely jealous.

What do you mean I want benefits but I m not willing to give? Elaborate?

[–]OrzhovPalatine0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Friends exchange numbers....bro wtf you must have stories. One of the benefits of friends is you can share your failures and brainstorm without any awkward shit.

My friends and I brainstorm all the time about whatever shit we're working on. Doesnt matter how dumb it sounds that's my boy.

The guys who are "above you", you cant connect with them on their level because you dont have their experience. That's why you ask them advice because most guys at that level are usually happy to mentor and teach. You get knowledge and they feel respected both get something in the exchange.

Betrayal happens. Just let you know he wasnt a good friend. You're suppose to vet your friends periodically. Ultimately if you dont think you've ever find someone who'd be a brother in arms you won't.

The lone wolf dies, the pack survives.

As to you wanting the benefits but you arent willing to give. Pretty much your posts have just been about what guy friends can do for you. You're not understanding that if you want that "value" from them you have to give something in return.

Also you cant go in automatically expecting that.

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I'm not that kind of a person this is why? Probably I became a selfish person after the things I experienced, close friends are jealous about you, you get the hot girl but he doesn't he will be jealous inside even if he acts good. You get better salary he will not like it. You become the prize for him, that's why he acts like he cares be close but inside he will be jealous. Do you read history? Humans aren't that genuine and they can change so fast. That was what I experienced with every close friend or new friends I met. A hot girl is interested in you but not in him he will not like it, whatever you say. You seem so innocent, how old are you? Betrayel happens and if it didn't happen then the conditions were not set for it. Everyone changes and there is not unconditional love Of course chit chat, brainstorming is good but I always will have a distance.

I don't really get how I will ask advice who are above me? I'm not talking about girls. I just want to have them as friend rather than losers since they will bring more value to my life.

Yeah, having friends good of course but know that the ones who watch your back one day can stab you from your back. This is why I want friends who are above me, they wouldn't be jealous about me and they are still friends as others

Yes I should give something in return to get the value from the ones above me, this is why I'm already asking. What I can give to them? They have everything. Like how I don't want guys below me they wouldn't want me probably if I don't bring any value.

[–]OrzhovPalatine0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Probably I became a selfish person after the things I experienced

We're products of our experience, it is what it is. If you don't have a good example to base something off how can you know what it looks like right?

close friends are jealous about you, you get the hot girl but he doesn't he will be jealous inside even if he acts good

Friends get jealous of their friends. Good ones don't act on it and encourage you and try to help you out not fuck you over.

Do you read history? Humans aren't that genuine and they can change so fast

Most people aren't genuine thats why it's valuable when you meet the few that are but you have to be open to being surprised.

You seem so innocent, how old are you?

31 and no I'm Machiavellian as fuck. Been there done that, I just take the loss and move along. Part of being RP is getting over ourselves and the past and moving along. We know the rule set now so start living.

I always will have a distance

Too much distance IMO. Sensible with male to women relationships but counterproductive with male to male ones.

I don't really get how I will ask advice who are above me? I just want to have them as friend rather than losers since they will bring more value to my life.

Again you want their friendship but you don't seem to be willing to give something in exchange. You want their time but what value are you bringing to them?

having friends good of course but know that the ones who watch your back one day can stab you from your back

Thats your fault if you didn't vet them enough. I've had "friends" stab me in the back but I know that's on me and learned to vet better.

Yes I should give something in return to get the value from the ones above me, this is why I'm already asking. What I can give to them? They have everything. Like how I don't want guys below me they wouldn't want me probably if I don't bring any value.

Your first problem is you lack loyalty. You don't owe anyone your loyalty up front yes but you've never really experienced it so you won't be able to build that rapport with other guys.

I work in politics and it's very commonplace for older more established guys to have hordes of dudes hang around them. Most men that are "above you" are generally a good judge of character (how else did they get there?) and understand if a guy is asking them because they want something or because they legit want to learn.

[–]UniqueAway 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, we are products of our experiences, they shape us, change us, if you encounter with your child version probably you wouldn't know who he is... there is no right or wrong but being selfish is the best thing you can do, only give for the ones who gives for you, not for the ones you thing worths.

Think about it like, you and your friend wants the same thing so bad, your friend gets it but you can't, how would you feel? What would you think? For a while you may think like yeah good for him and you keep trying to get an equivalent, a year passes, two but no you won't get it. Then you start to ask why he has it but I don't, at some point you will try to pull him down to get it, this is life, this is nature. A lion is eating a lamp now, just that we aren't aware coz we don't see or hear it.

I'm fully open to have a genuine relationship with someone but I'm not stupid I'm always silent for a long long while never tell much and Yes there will always be a distance.

How can I vet someone?

I lack loyalty because I don't believe in it. Everyone has limits, when things change everyone changes. So, why I would be loyal? What is loyalty? Nothing is pure. I never experienced such a thing but I saw how my father suddenly changed when he realized he is getting older and he doesn't want to lose me. It was a sudden change, and to me sudden changes show there is or was something fake. If it wasn't fake the change would be gradual. Why I would trust a guy while I can't even trust my father.

I lately got to understand that, while I became more aware of the inner thoughts of people around me. Those guys above me has a great sense of seizing a person, reading them. This is why they lead.

[–]OrzhovPalatine1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

your friend gets it but you can't, how would you feel? What would you think? For a while you may think like yeah good for him and you keep trying to get an equivalent, a year passes, two but no you won't get it. Then you start to ask why he has it but I don't, at some point you will try to pull him down to get it, this is life, this is nature. A lion is eating a lamp now, just that we aren't aware coz we don't see or hear it.

It wouldn't matter because I understand it's my responsibility and my fault that I don't have what he has. I wouldn't resent him or try to fuck him over because I'm not petty. That's shit women do.

If these are the sort of people you've dealt with thats your own fault.

I'm fully open to have a genuine relationship with someone

No you're not because you have no frame of reference to base it off it seems.

How can I vet someone?

You simply observe someone's actions and see if they remain consistent and keep their word.

I lack loyalty because I don't believe in it. Everyone has limits, when things change everyone changes. So, why I would be loyal? What is loyalty? Nothing is pure. I never experienced such a thing but I saw how my father suddenly changed when he realized he is getting older and he doesn't want to lose me. It was a sudden change, and to me sudden changes show there is or was something fake. If it wasn't fake the change would be gradual. Why I would trust a guy while I can't even trust my father.

If that is your honest thought process there is simply no value in anyone being your friend.

[–]MeganOlivi69 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link