Told my girlfriend (30, single mother, yeah I know) of 6 months Friday night that I (27) wouldn't accept her having private hang outs with her male friends. We'll call her K. Didn't ask K to cut them out completely and said I was even OK with group settings. Said she "doesn't hang in groups" even though every time I've gone out with her, she has. She has 4 male friends she associates with. 2 are coworkers, 1 is a beta, and the 4th is "gay". She does have 2-3 female friends she hangs/communicates with often. Considers herself "one of the guys". She asked exclusivity very early on which I made her wait for a bit. Mateguarded me for a while by saying I wasn't even allowed to go to strip clubs and she would physically block me off from other girls when we were at the bar.

She went through phases of texting/mentioning each during our relationship and I didn't care at first. Even told her "as long as you're not fucking him, I don't care what you do" when she asked about one. One is "gay", call him T. She said friday he is "comfortable in his sexuality but not something he has to put out there". The last part isn't word for word. I figured it was woman code for "he's bi" and that she probably fucked him while they were drunk. Used to mention him/text often but got mad when he wouldn't come visit her because she had her kids.

One of them, G, is a borderline omega who used to pine for her and she told him he had no chance. But she strings him along by taking him to dinner, sometimes even paying for him. She told me she took him for a ride on our peninsula; justifying it by the fact he has a disability preventing him from driving and he "wanted to go there". I told her this is inappropriate regardless if he still wants to fuck her or not (which he probably has 0 chance).

Coworker 1, R, I was unsure of but I met him. They had an upbeat dynamic but there wasn't anything uncomfortable between any of us. I do know she used to hang out at his place and watch Netflix before we met (which sends a red flag); but she never alluded to anything more. She admitted he backed off because he thought I'd be pissed if he kept drunk texting her about going to/inviting her to the strip club.

Coworker 2, J, was the one that created conflict. She asked permission to hang go to a bar to watch a recent sports game with him while she knew I was working until 2AM. Didn't like how she asked. She asked if I would be upset and if "we were okay" even though I was nonchalant about it. I didn't like it, but I didn't know enough about him to make a judgment call. I saw him at her work before and didn't feel concern. Doesn't seem like a player and looks about a soft 7. I'm a hard 7/8 depending how well I take care of myself. She's a soft 7/soft 8.

However, she told me she was excited that he was returning to her work. I always get leery when a female speaks emotionally of another guy; my last "girlfriend" who wanted to find a relationship but couldn't let go of her FWB, insisted he was her "best friend". I suspected him from the start as she wouldn't shut up about him and was constantly posting about him. She later revealed she was fucking him.

So, that has soured my perspective some. She was excited because they used to make "black jokes" all the time (her son is half). I didn't like it because she asked permission specifically for him when I was cool with everyone else before; said she wanted to be "upfront and honest and it would look worse if I didn't say anything". She knows my brother is a drinker and thought he might see them out.

My bad experience and suspicion got the better of me (plus I felt she was projecting before this; asked me about my "other girlfriends" and would snoop my phone right infront of me). So I snooped her phone one night and found him rolling some game on her.

J: (something something) yeah you're alright K: You love me! and K: (blah blah something about food) J: Banana J: Have you had a good banana recently lol K: You're dirty hahaha =P

I couldn't find more with the time I had. I tried to play it cool and get further information before pushing the boundaries, but I also tried to secure a backup option because I felt I was about to be cheated on. She caught me texting said girl. (never met her, only texted) She got very upset but still embraced me and told me she loves me and wants to keep what we have. This was 2 Saturdays ago. Wednesday she said "Get rid of the bitch" when she brought me food at work. I already did Monday.

Friday I drew the line. I asked what her choice was and if she wasn't comfortable, she might as well go home. She said "okay" and walked out without saying a word. I didn't try to stop her. Woke up in the morning to find she removed our relationship online. This was after she denied me sex because "none of it felt right" after I tried going beyond foreplay. Her body reacted differently; even became stiff at certain things I did. I wondered if maybe someone else had been there and the guilt got to her. I was licking her pussy and began to finger her when she pulled away and said it "hurt".

That coming from a girl who rethought her stance on marriage after orgasms I gave her, and gave multiple orgasms often. That I was the first guy she actually wanted to have morning sex with. She constantly talked about getting married and having our own kid. The sex was good, even great at times. A lot of the problems started coming when I accepted a new job offer. It made our schedules lay in a way that we went from seeing eachother 3-4 times a week, to 1-3 if lucky. Sex went from 4-6+ times a week to 2-4.

It was supposed to be temporary, but my transition to different hours keeps getting pushed back. I tried to take it in stride but my ability to do things with her became limited, stagnant and repetitive. I don't feel I ever lost frame until she caught me texting. But I owned up to it very quickly and made the situation right by cutting out the girl; I have too many morals to be a cheater, regardless if she's disingenuine or not. She said her "trust was broken" (I used this line on her to justify why I was talking to that girl) and that she would need time to get it back and be okay with being intimate.

I think I pushed too hard by saying I won't accept it, as I asked her earlier if she would try to change and she said yes. That's when I went full bore. But then I think, if she wants to cheat, she will anyway and I could've ejected from the situation emotionally and known that I was right the entire time.

So I shouldn't really care what she does. I've gone no contact, and will wait to see if she restablishes contact at all. I'm really not sure if there's anything of value for me to recover as I sense she will fight me every step of the way before I can even have sex with her again. But generally, is this boundary worth it in a stoic sense? I feel true detachment would be not caring but monitoring anything out of the ordinary, without having to snoop (prioritizing time with that person when you're available, frequent hangouts beyond more than every other week, etc)