I’m one of those charismatic, confident, center-of-the-room guys that many people strive to be – Or maybe more accurately, I’ve become adept at pretending. I’ve always had a knack for leadership because I understand most people and their motives. I was the president of my fraternity in college. I know pretty well how to emulate TRP behavior (even before having a name for it) and have found success in various aspects of my personal life because of it. Frankly speaking, I’ve never had a problem with getting laid, or even maintaining a short-term, causal relationship.

My problem, however, is that while I can emulate this persona in the short term, I don’t embody it. I’ve been pretending and maintaining this façade for most of my life. My Dad left my mom, my sister, and me when I was 6. Shortly thereafter my mom had a psychotic break and pretty much became a non-parent, aside from the occasional outrage/ass kicking (though she has since gotten help and come a long way.) I’m not sharing this to garner sympathy, but I think it’s relevant.

I learned how to act like the man of the house at a young age. But, I didn’t have a masculine role model and I never actually knew what the fuck I was doing. I’ve carried this mentality my entire life. The vast majority of the time this disingenuousness doesn’t manifest itself because most relationships are pretty surface level. In fact, in many areas of my life I’ve found the “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra to be pretty apt – in theory, with real success should come real confidence. The only area in which I have been unable to make this conversion is with women.

Every long term relationship I’ve ever had has followed the same trend: We meet--> I play the TRP role well--> We fuck each other’s brains out for a few months--> I start to fall for them--> I slowly slide into BP tendencies--> We start banging less--> I try to fix it--> We stop banging--> I break up with them (and occasionally it gets so bad that they break up with me first.)

This is all well and good for getting laid. However, unlike some of you, I’m still pretty stuck on the idea of having a successful marriage and starting a family. My issue is not that I am waiting on a ‘good girl’ to finally come along. I get that AWALT, and analytically speaking I understand the characteristics that attract women. The problem is that being that type of person and constantly having to be wary of backsliding is fucking exhausting in the long term. On a base level, I sometimes can’t help but crave affection from women that I’m in a serious relationship with. I truly don’t understand how many of you are able to do without. I’m not looking for a therapist; I’ve done that work already. However, if anyone on this board has insights to share on how to avoid the infamous ‘beta backslide’ I’d love to hear them.

Tl;dr: Is a true, long-term, RP relationship really maintainable? And if so, how the fuck is it not exhausting?