How can one practice detachment in a relationship?

DemonConsulting · 2016-03-04T12:23:35+00:00

You don't need to be detatched - LTRs need attachment and being loving - just like you said. Keeping a distance because you're scared to be hurt is just insecurity and it's just a band aid, not a fix to your problem. You need to get to a point where being loving and giving something in the relationship won't scare you anymore and TRP, if used correctly, can help with that a lot. (look at Married red pill, dread game, abundance mentality ...)

Now the difference between the masculine man and the beta looser isn't that they can't have their hearts broken - it's that one will be less affected and can recover easier than the other.

What you need it so have a life of your own and maintain it. Many needy guys in LTRs focus ALL their attention on their girlfriends or wives and only try to make THEM happy, instead of being happy themselves. If one's entire focus in life and one's entire sense of self worth relies on another person (literally "You mean the world to me"), bordering on obsession, then this person leaving will obviously crash their world.

What you want to have is a relationship where, even if she walks away or you decide to walk away, it isn't the end of the world to you. It's the end of a relationship and if you were close and loved each other, maybe even started to make future then obviously it's sad for you that it ended. But that's all it is and you need know that you can just get another girl right away.

For this you just need to keep living your life as normal and have your gf as an add-on, not the center of your life - the center of your life is you. So keep your male friends and give them attention. keep working out, keep working on yourself and keep your SMV up but do it for YOU and not to please your gf. Keep your hobbies and dedicate time to them. Make your own plans for your life, as well as the more detailed plan for your days - career, hobbies, activities etc. and stick to it. Build this around whatever makes you happy and is important to you. Usually this should your LTR because if she doesn't make you happy and you never want to spend time with her other than fucking, you might as well have a plat. But all the other things in your life also get a place in there and they don't get changed - your LTR is free to be an asset to your life and come along on your personal journey - you love her and invest in her, just like she does with you so you want her to come and you show that. But she doesn't lead your life and you're not changing your path for her. Also internalize that while you love her and she's important to you, she is by no way unique or irreplaceable. Everything, you have with her, you can have with another girl too. Sure, trust and love need some time to build (you both invest) but after that, it's basically the same, maybe even better - you get the same rewards. Also you keep everything else that makes your life great.

This is basically all part of dread game and abundance mentality and it protects you from heartbreak for two reasons: Firstly, your world won't crumble with the end of a relationship - everything except for the relationship with this particular girl is still there and you can just carry on. Secondly, she is much less likely to leave you BECAUSE you have a great life, you keep your SMV up and you're not needy - you stay desirable and awesome and she still gets all the emotional security from you by being a valuable part of your life. She's also less likely act like a cunt and push you around because she sees how great you're doing and just by that knows, she's replaceable - Most likely she will continue putting in effort over a longer time to maintain your interest and that's great for you.

So be loving - invest (just a little less than she invests)- show your love and build a real relationship and friendship. Just keep the rest of your life going, keep being awesome and know that your happiness doesn't depend on your relationship and it certainly doesn't depend on this one person - plenty of fish in the sea. Sure it can end and that would suck and you will be sad it it happens (just like you would be sad if one of your male friends stopped being your friend -being emotionally invested comes at this price, regardless of the nature of the relationship but this is part of being human: you care and you get great happiness back for it and occasionally heartbreak) but you will also recover really fast and your life will continue to be awesome.

Thizzlebot · 2016-03-05T19:33:51+00:00

Uncomfortable feelings can come from the unknown. I'm 2 weeks out from breaking up with my bitch. The saddest part for me is that I won't get pussy everyday. I was in a LTR for 1.6 years with her and pretty much knew we would break up with some point so don't get too attached in the first place. I also kept a private journal (digital) whenever she did bad shit so I could review it after we broke up and see her for what she really is instead of getting the rose tinted glasses and thinking she was perfect.

prostaddict · 2016-03-04T04:40:11+00:00

Google the 12 levels of dread

oldredder · 2016-03-04T05:25:04+00:00

You don't - detachment if you enjoy it means you shouldn't be in a relationship. Detachment if she enjoys it means she's cheating on you or can't be in any relationship.

Rebounding quickly means you keep options on the side so you go to one.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-03-04T17:04:23+00:00

Enter the relationship with detachment. This doesn't mean that you can't enjoy yourself greatly with the women. Just be very critical. When a woman starts giving you shit and hitting the fun brakes. You need to react internally with annoyance and disapproval. Unless she comes around and resumes being pleasant to be around- she's dead weight.

Basically it's all about the self respect you have. Beta men stick around with an unbearable women because she has a hole that occasionally gets wet. That's their downfall.

Title	How can one practice detachment in a relationship?
Author	oakenowa
Upvotes	9
Comments	6
Date	March 4, 2016 3:58 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/48vpeh/how_can_one_practice_detachment_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-one-practice-detachment-in-a-relationship.161582 https://theredarchive.com/post/161582

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