How do I avoid oneitis?

RPGivesYouWings · 2018-08-12T23:12:57+00:00

Have you ever spun plates?

Look, there’s nothing wrong with LTR and monogamy if that’s what you want, but until experience has led you to realize that there are no unicorns, least of all her, and how to deal with their frivolity, you won’t stand a chance at keeping the oneitis away.

RedLegendx · 2018-08-12T23:10:12+00:00

Date multiple women to avoid Oneitis.

PR0JECT_XIII · 2018-08-13T02:05:29+00:00

I started seeing a girl two months ago. Last week I felt like I was catching the beginnings of oneitis.

Decided I had to find someone else to fuck, went out and found someone to fuck. Problem solved.

Time_Animal_ · 2018-08-13T03:17:06+00:00

To tell you the truth I don't think you can.

I'm not experienced and a complete failure with women, however :

For people in general I tend to not have a whole not of love or attachment too. I can look at most women and know that I'd want to sleep with them, but not that I'd want to do anything else with them at a personal level.

I started a new job recently and I've looked at the women in the group. Not seriously, I just mean I evaluate people, not even necessarily consciously. They're all older, sometimes much older, a few around my age, but

The most attractive one I don't have any non-sexual interest in. Not that she'd be an option anyway, and even if she were an option I wouldn't want to pursue unless I felt serious that I liked her. Embeded in that last statement is an important idea, that I am capable of feeling serious that I like someone, and again, that state is not common. But for this girl, solid 8, she doesn't seem feminine in demeanor, she has at least one tattoo, she's introverted, and not that I know her that well, but I think I've sensed some legitimate meanness in her.

There's another lady that I imagine has been described as 'one of the guys' many times, and I don't think in a trying sort of way. Thinking about it now it's funny the comparison I want to draw, which is to Karen Straughan, if you know who she is.

There's another lady, again much older, who seems more feminine, more into taking a supportive role, not super assertive, is the sort that seems to want to hint close to things instead of say them outright. Introverted.

Then there's one that I know that I'd be interested in if she were my age, though she's twice my age now. She's kind of cunty because she'll immediately vocalize negative thought without filter. And she's tall and thin and intelligent. She seems a little dorky. I notice I'm happy to see her and she seems happy to see me. By myers briggs I would guess she's an ENFP, 100% ENF, and on the analogous big 5 scale would be high in neuroticism.

And then I found myself comparing this lady to my last real oneitis.

That girl was also tall and thin. She had more of a filter in that she had tact, the lady I'm comparing her to is impressively lacking in tact sometimes. This other girl, she would say or do things as they came to her mind immediately. She was also highly intelligent. She would have also been an ENFP, and would have been high in neuroticism.

And the oneitis before the girl, tall, thin, highly intelligent, NFP, would have been I probably, but maybe E, and high in neuroticism. Though that one hid everything she really thought.

In short, you can't avoid oneitis because some people are going to appeal to you for reasons based in objective reality that you will be helpless to do anything but perceive if you pay attention.

So they only thing you can do is acknowledge that and put it to the side when making any decisions.

earthmother92 · 2018-08-13T11:52:39+00:00

Cheat. Spin plates. You need multiple women in your life.

However do you want to call it.

Title	How do I avoid oneitis?
Author	cawkedup
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	August 12, 2018 11:08 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/96t8pf/how_do_i_avoid_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-avoid-oneitis.130095 https://theredarchive.com/post/130095

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