So before I start, I am an idiot. This isn't for people to feel pity for me or an excuse. I just personally think my way of connecting and talking to women on dates is horrible.

I, for personal reasons of what has happened inside my house, have grown to have a strong hatred towards my religion and my own kind of people, south asians. Any south asian girl that agrees with me in this sense, I just catch immediate feelings for.

For one, I have never had a relationship, and may have what is called "mommy issues." So at this point I see it as something in the beginning but since it's the second time under the same pretense, I feel like I need to fix it.

Whenever I find a brown girl of sorts, white washed like I believe I am, I immediately fall in love with her and fantasize over her immensely. Two times now, I've had girls like this talk to me, out of interest for whatever reason whether it be simply hating on my culture and its religion, or just simply shit talking our parents.

Growing up I've always thought my parents ruined my childhood with their south asian ways. So to me, this is the way to connect with girls and once I do, I just can't stop fantasizing over them.

To stop being so redundant, how do I find other ways to talk to women on dates, get in the comfortable zone for kino? I feel me trying to connect in my current way, just brings used up brown girls to me, who have problems, either drink/smoke and have a history of crazy sexuality. I feel like at this aspect of life, all I know is how to connect on this level, the level of my family and it's religion ruining my life, or video games.

Just last night I was on a date, see post history, and we made out a lot and talked about this stuff. The making out was surreal, felt like a real connection to me honestly. Probably the best make out session I've ever had. She wanted to keep making out. I realize today it was probably a rebound because her fling from before, she hit me up after she met up with him and said, "I honestly don't know where I stand with anyone at this point." So the next night we met up, she denied sex but kept making out with me. Everyone told me it was for her own validation but me being the idiot I am, decided to try and hang out again. She dubbed my message, and now I feel like shit. I felt so close to her because we connected on that level, and played video games together. She hasn't responded yet, might not or might late, but regardless I need to end this way of comfort I build for myself. I feel like she used me making out with her as a way to feel something deep inside, just as the other girl I had a thing with before.

I'm a fairly good looking guy, muscular build, somewhat overweight and height isn't tall but neither is it short. How can I put an end to building toxic relationships with women and getting overly obsessed with them?

This might be the eye opener I need to realize not to give a shit about womens words, and how manipulative they are.