How do I get a life?

Mobiiz · 2017-06-28T18:10:17+00:00

Smoking weed and playing xbox aren't hobbies. Those are time killers. Take up something like hiking or an instrument.

Red-Curious · 2017-06-28T20:03:49+00:00

I'll ditty /u/chachaChad. As a former porn, video game, and food addict - those things only breed complacency. Give up your coping mechanisms and you'll have nowhere to turn but the real thing.

You want a good life? Stop trying to live vicariously through a pixelated character by giving him a good/exciting life for you ... doesn't matter if it's RPG or FPS or sports games. Everyone condemns living vicariously through your children as a cheap way to happiness ... it's even cheaper when you're living vicariously through a fictional world - and also leads to a bigger crash when you realize the futility and total lack of long-term value in your life. Do I still play games every now and then? Yes, there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, I still play all kinds of stupid apps on my phone during mandatory pauses throughout the day (bathroom, waiting in line, etc.). But as /u/chachaChad says, you do that out of your excess, not to avoid responsibility. For now, you need to go cold turkey so that you control your gaming instead of letting it control you. Use those pauses to start reading content on the sidebar instead (my app-ing cut down by 90% when I discovered TRP/MRP and it's going to stay that way until I'm done with the side-bar) - not just the top posts, but the actual books. I just started. Join me.
You want a good relationship? You didn't say you did, but I'm 99.9% sure you watch porn fairly regularly. It's fairly inevitable for guys with your MO. If you're placating yourself with fake relationships, you're never going to see an urgency to make something of a real relationship. Believe me, I did this in my marriage for far too long. I'm new to RP thinking myself, but just being a rational human being led me to these conclusions long before I made it to this sub. Guess what ... when I gave up on porn, I actually started wanting to have sex with my wife again. Weird, huh? I've still got a lot to learn, but it doesn't take much to realize that porn is probably the number one thing in your life placating your drive to have the life you want. "If things go back, I can always jack off to feel better about myself." That's a sure-fire way to beta-land.
You want a high, but you're not happy with weed? That's because weed is a substitute. I mean this literally. Your brain has receptors for different types of chemicals. Weed puts chemicals in your brain (THC, namely) that mimics the substances those receptors are meant to bond with, causing the synapses to start firing as if the real thing were there. The problem is that it starts changing your brain chemistry to prefer the fake thing over the real thing. Your brain was designed for the real thing and the fake thing promotes complacency. Stop it.

See the pattern? Can't get the real thing, go fake this, fake that, fake over there, fake here. You're trying to live a fake life, get fake pleasure, feel fake emotions. I'm not going to pretend that the real thing is the answer you need, but for now it's the answer you want. When you get that and it's still not satisfying, then there's room to go deeper and find out what your life is really missing.

The one thing I'll note that's probably different from the advice you'll hear from other guys is this: stick it out with your parents for that two years.

Why?

I'm in decent shape, and most people are still telling me I'm 2 years away from having the body necessary to make RP theory actually feasible in the context of a committed relationship (I'm married). So, it'll give you time to get in shape.
It's going to take you a while to get through the side-bar. If you can't jump straight into the RP life anyway, you might as well give yourself time to learn and start practicing in small ways before diving in head-first and wasting a ton of money on an apartment, utilities, etc. in the process.
Most importantly, (as alluded to in the last point) you know your life sucks right now and it's going to take a lot of money to jump-start you in the direction you want to go with your financial situation (i.e. saving for retirement, paying down debt, buying a decent house, car, etc.). Living with your parents gives you an opportunity to save what you otherwise would be paying for rent, which should ideally be set aside for a down-payment rather than blown on weed and booze. Let's say you would have gotten a crummy apartment for $500/mo in rent. Save that for 2 years and you've got $12,000 just from rent savings alone. Add in another $3k for utilities, food, and other misc. self-living expenses you'll be saving and you've got a nice $15,000 for a down payment. This goes up when you're not buying new video games as soon as they're released, a couple grand a year on pot, alcohol, etc. Maybe even only put $10k into a house and $5k on a car and you'll be in great financial shape, hugely boosting your confidence, and you might even have some excess if you cut those bad habits.

Now, you say your parents live in the middle of nowhere, so here are some suggestions:

Find the nearest big-city and become a regular somewhere. Use this as a place to practice RP stuff while you're getting your finances in order. It's safe because you won't really know anyone there, and yet it sounds like you want to be back in a city eventually, so you'll be getting practice in a context in which you intend to live when you have your brand new "Grand Re-Opening Day."
Don't want to drive that far? You've probably got a butt ton of woods around. Buy a gun and shoot squirrels and raccoons and stuff. I can't stand hunting, but I've never been a FPS gamer either. You like FPS, do the real thing rather than the fake thing (just don't shoot at actual people - stick to non-protected animals and make sure you follow the law with what you can/can't kill).
Far from the city = lots of grass and streets to take up running/jogging/hiking. This kills two birds with one stone: exercise + hobby.

Saying "my parents live in the middle of nowhere" is the same as saying, "I'm incapable of making the best of a crappy situation." That's the same as saying, "I'm a pansy beta who can't take ownership of my life or figure out what I want to do." Stop making excuses. Just do it.

It's probably also worth mentioning: your life WILL NOT get fixed overnight. That's why I recommend you stay with your parents. If they want to give you a free ride for a little longer, take advantage of it until you're ready to have the "Grand Re-Opening" of your new life. But in the meantime that means you have to trudge through being a little bored, then learn to be okay with being bored. Placating yourself with weed, porn, and x-box is your way of saying, "I'm too weak to overcome boredom. I might as well give up."

Halfassredlife · 2017-06-28T18:11:52+00:00

So you know the right answer but are too lazy or un-disciplined to execute. What exactly do you want out of your post, sympathy?

If you fill you life with what makes you happy and drives you the rest of life becomes white noise.

Embrace your challenges, kill it at school, be the best at your boring job. This approach will bleed over into the rest of your life and help give you purpose.

chachaChad · 2017-06-28T19:19:50+00:00

Jesus... you're tears are getting my screen wet. Stuck for 2 years? No, you're not. That's in your head.

Have you read anything on the sidebar? Create your MAP.
Stop smoking pot right now. It help make you comfortable with your life as it is and will make damn sure you don't change.
Stop playing games. Games are for people who own their shit and all their work is done and have awesome lives. You don't have that so stop. Every waking moment should be about making your life the best thing it could possible be.
Get yourself into therapy.

The-Hardball-Player · 2017-06-28T18:11:23+00:00

where do you live?

Ramo029 · 2017-06-28T18:14:18+00:00

First off, stop overthinking things. Enjoy the process. Work towards a goal. Don't think a destination is what will make you happy, it's the journey that's fun. Start going to the gym more than just 3 times a week. Make physical activity a bigger part of your life than just going to gym because you feel you have to. We were meant to be outdoors and using our body.

Pick up a sport so you feel you have a purpose in lifting. I love pick up basketball because it's a team sport, but individual skill matters. It gives you a purpose on working out your muscles to perform better. You can see improvement.

Same goes for school, enjoy the process. You're learning more and working towards whatever career you want. When you enjoy the process and remember everything is temporary, you'll find a lot more joy in life.

Main thing to remember is, enjoy the process. You can only feel that way though, if you feel you're heading somewhere. If you just play Xbox and smoke weed all day, you're stagnant.

race_car · 2017-06-29T01:58:27+00:00

How do I get a life?

you build one. one brick at a time.

Willow-girl · 2017-06-29T04:40:25+00:00

1) Create something of lasting value, or 2) Make the world a better place in some way.

Title	How do I get a life?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	14
Date	June 28, 2017 5:53 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6k2afe/how_do_i_get_a_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-get-a-life.180319 https://theredarchive.com/post/180319

Comments