I had sex with a hooker recently for the sheer hell of it.

I definitely didn't have to, but I did. Even the hooker wondered why I was doing this, since I was very attractive.

I did not realize the experience would emotionally disturb me so badly.

The main thing I feel is not guilt or shame, but...

Cognitive dissonance.

I just cannot get over the fact that I paid to give a woman sex, which should be free. It doesn't make any sense.

My mind was so confused that the next day I actually felt as if she had STOLEN the money. While we were fucking, I felt as if I was doing her a favor.

But I never ask women to pay me for my sex. Sometimes they buy me things anyway to make me stick around, but I enjoy the sheer pleasure of sexual giving.

Is that not enough for women? Why do women think they deserve to be paid for that? Why would I ever pay a woman for giving her a gift?

And that is why I am feeling so shitty and fucked up.

What I've done flies in the face of my self-image and who I am, and does not add up. I want my money back, even though it's a trivial amount. And when I looked at girls today I felt like putting a price tag on them, even though they ought to be free.

I don't know how to resolve this conflict. I just know that I will never, ever have sex for money again. There are hotter girls I can have sex with that I like more, and the only payment is the pleasure I'm giving them. It's a mutual thing.

In fact, most girls I've slept with keep coming back for more because I am the best.

If anything, women should be paying me.

I should not have done something so stupid, I just wanted the experience. But now I am having major regrets.

What an awful thing, to expect money for sex. These women want their cake, and then to eat it, and then to get whipped cream and a cherry on top.

I feel violated, tricked.

How do I resolve this conflict?