This is my first post. I'm not much of a redditor. I've been redpilled, as it were, for a few years via Rational Male, etc. before coming to lurk here for a while.

I know nobody wants to read my life story, but let me explain (or skip to TL;DR if you want).

There is a guy I'll call Jay who went a neighboring high school when I was younger. Jay has always been broke, uneducated, obnoxious, and has a speech impediment. Yet by the time we were 18 he had probably slept with 50 girls or more. He slept with literally every extremely attractive girl in our small town and most of the decent ones. Totally devoid of any doubt or fuck-giving or self-examination. I suppose he is what can be considered a natural alpha. He says the most absurd thing to girls and it works every time. I once saw him approach a girl at a party and say "when you gonna give me some of dat bloomer puddin?" Most dudes don't like him out of envy. Most girls talk about what a scumbag he is, but then fuck him anyway. I know a couple of women who continue throughout their lives to cheat on multiple partners to remain FWBs with Jay. At one point a few years back I asked them both what it was about the guy. The answer: "I don't know. He's just fun."

I was never one of the people who just "got it." Every single thing I know about socializing has been learned late in my life through some conscious effort such as reading TRP. I've never been particularly awkward or a super cringey beta, just more like a blank slate that followed the rules I learned about how to interact with people. I was pretty popular in high school, got laid, etc. but I feel I'm sort of typecast as a "boring guy" with the people who know me. A long time ago, a girl I was really into told someone else that I was "excruciatingly boring" after spending a long and awkward night with her. I never really got it out of my head. For a long time it destroyed my self-confidence, but even now that I moved past it I feel like it remains a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have a monotone voice. I'm relatively spontaneous in my own life, but I can never think of exciting things to do or say with women. I feel that I'm not engaging/interesting enough. I have trouble behaving naturally without thinking about what to do specifically, what specifically to say, etc. That's why I'm asking how to be fun, specifically. Maybe it's all in my head and I don't need to be doing anything extra. I don't know.

Thank you for reading my autobiography.

TL;DR Can't get over feeling boring as fuck. How do I be a fun person?