How To Get Over It

ibuprofiend · 2014-10-18T00:06:19+00:00

I was friendzoned and we slept together while she was dating

Do you mean that you slept together in the same bed, as friends? Without sex? That's got to be the 9th circle of friendzone.

First, I'll say that I know where you're coming from. I had a crush on a girl for years. From when I first met her when we were 13 to when we graduated high school. It was bad.

I got over it by distraction and time. First, realize that you will get over her. Even if it takes 50 years, there will come a time when you don't care about her anymore and she becomes just another person from your past. Time heals all wounds.

However, you can't rely on time alone... you need to help the process by distracting yourself. If you're already working on your body, mind, hobbies, career, etc., you're off to a good start.

But you can still be thinking about her while lifting or whatever right? (You could even be thinking that you're lifting for her, heaven forbid.) So here's what you need to do: any time you start thinking about her, make a conscious effort to shift your mind to something else. Refuse to think about her. Banish her from your mind. There's a feedback loop between your thoughts and emotions, so by controlling your thoughts you can feel better, and if you're feeling better you're less likely to think of her. Turn that vicious cycle back on itself. (This method is also useful for fighting depression, which is often comorbid with oneitis.)

Personally, I don't think you can cure oneitis, it's a lifelong, chronic disease that you just need to manage. But you can and will get over this girl.

sparta126 · 2014-10-18T01:03:00+00:00

I had a similar situation. I dated a volley ball player who was a starter in college. 6'0 and gorgeous. She left to grad school and I kept thinking how to get her back. The only thing I can tell you is overwhelming success is the best revenge to should've would've could've.

SkorchZang · 2014-10-18T12:53:20+00:00

Not a cure, but there're a couple of things you could do right now to help yourself through that unpleasant shit.

Go over and remove absolutely everything that reminds you of that woman, any mementos, old emails etc. Don't have to burn it on a pyre or anything, but file it away far enough that it's too annoying to dig it out every time you feel like a peek. Obviously delete/block her from your facebook and similar.

Use some simple discipline and do not allow yourself to look at anything to do with the woman, where she is, what she's doing etc. It's off limits, your on a zero-her-diet now.

That bit handled, you can also stop calling it your stupid mistake, and think of it more as a generic learning experience. That's all it was.

And oneitis is not "true love" or any of that shit, so you can relax about that. Really take it easy, because it isn't like that, it's your life and her life, not a sappy chick flick you're in together.

Let's hear more about how you fucked it up with this girl, maybe there's something to learn from it? Are you holding on to it like a desperate motherfucker because you're afraid of the lesson you still need to face from that?

junin16 · 2014-10-18T14:50:14+00:00

I'm on the same situation, fucked my oneiti when she broke up with her boyfriend and now i can't stop thinking about her...The bad thing is the bitch goes to the same school as me :x

Title	How To Get Over It
Author	Red_Shirt_Blue_Pants
Upvotes	0
Comments	8
Date	October 17, 2014 11:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2jkc3i/how_to_get_over_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-get-over-it.142911 https://theredarchive.com/post/142911

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