I don't feel good enough

whatdidshewrite · 2019-02-07T01:32:23+00:00

People focus on the outcome of a situation way too much, and lose sight of the process as a result.

When you go into a boxing match, you go in with a plan and the desire to do what you came to do. When you're in the ring, you're not worrying about whether you will win or lose - you're focused on executing your strategy. Then when the match is over, you recognize that winning or losing doesn't really matter as much as whether or not you did what you should have, and what you can improve on.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you think you can do. All that matters is what you can actually do. So you may ponder an action and logically come to the conclusion that you might not be able to complete it, but that shouldn't persuade you against actually doing it.

There's no benefit from duping yourself into thinking you can do something you rationally don't think you can to develop some facade of bravado.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-02-07T01:41:48+00:00

*It's a fact that the vast majority of people will work twice as hard to avoid what they fear, as they will to gain what they desire. *

Self-talk and legends about being inferior is just your most comfortable way of hamstering/rationalizing the impulse to avoid.

This particular narrative tends to be a result of preoccupied, neurotic, overinvolved parents in one's early grade school years, who took their kid's failures way too personally. That is, parents that didn't understand a kid's need to feel competent at their own handiwork and feel in control of their own failures. So in a lot of ways, inferiority/incompetence beliefs are a way of not wanting to meta-think about the frustration and shame of failures.

Anyway, this loss aversion bias is because gain is often temporary but death is permanent. So the impulse is to avoid anything that might potentially kill you, make you a pariah, or lead your kids or family to starve. Until the last 150-200 years, social rejection, public humiliation, these could very much lead to starvation.

So, this tendency has it's reasons in behavioral evolution. This tendency makes sense in a scarce, hostile environment where humans evolved.

Except now you live in an abundant environment and you'd need a debilitating mental illness like Alzheimer's to actually starve to death. (This is good because people who are constantly hungry and constantly worried about their next meal tend to be pretty unproductive.)

The only place that loss aversion tends to relax a bit is when people are at home.

So you need to stop seeing your social affairs and projects as being a struggle against a harsh environment, and literally make the world your living room.

GrandmasterHurricane · 2019-02-07T03:13:02+00:00

Sounds lack a severe lack of external validation from parents when u were growing up. Am I right or not? No matter what you do, no matter how many times you've proven to yourself that you actually CAN do stuff, it feells like it's not enough.

Talinor09 · 2019-02-07T01:45:14+00:00

Well based on my 15 years of practice in the field of psychiatry, what you have outlined in your post it would appear that you have a classic case of Wittels-Harris syndrome. Obviously I haven’t met you so it’s difficult to complete a diagnosis over the internet.

Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do about it but therapy with a trained psychoanalyst is probably a good starting point.

reddit309 · 2019-02-07T03:47:31+00:00

" I am extremely humble " humble people dont say that lmao

rugged79 · 2019-02-07T06:37:38+00:00

Have you fucked a really hot bitch before?

At some point, you approached her to get her number. Your desire for the reward was greater than your fear of rejection, aka the loss.

Find something you desire more than that little voice in the back of your head saying "it's scary and I might lose."

therandombiker1 · 2019-02-07T08:22:51+00:00

It could be that you're not conscious how your job affects you. first of all, bus driver is THE job with the most incidence of depression. And it's not surprising, it is a stressful job, you need to keep a battlefield level of attention and concentration all day long. Then probably some of your clients disrespect you. It is unfortunate, but this is how humans roll. You are at the bottom of food chain.

I would suggest to think about an interesting career, or maybe a business. Both of those will keep you engaged and develop your self esteem. You have it at the physical level. you need to work on your social level.

Title	I don't feel good enough
Author	denchbench666
Upvotes	2
Comments	16
Date	February 7, 2019 1:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/any3rp/i_dont_feel_good_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-dont-feel-good-enough.217521 https://theredarchive.com/post/217521

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